Cheats
by oRpheusB20
Summary: Little more or less unconnected minisodes making fun of what I can about the game, for now focusing in on the, you guessed it, cheats. Entirely open to suggests for whatever you can think of.
1. Explodin!

**So... this is just going to be all manner of short bursts of nonsense I come up with. Spout your nonsense, and, hey, maybe it'll appear here.**

 **This game, somewhat unfortunately, does not hold the same amount of material like, say, Rhythm Thief, which I love, but I will never let it live down just how much shit fails to make sense. However, some of the cheats and other funky little things are still great material... oh gods, little Plaguey and little Mona blasting themselves into walls trying to master their bursts, that needs to be added to the list!**

 **Ahem, anyway... This will equal parts be nonsense, and a space for me to reply to Jason, because HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH A GUEST? By posting mini stories as often as I can manage, duh. But that will all be at the end to save everyone else from having to scroll a lot, although if you're willing to look at Hanburger's reviews to get context, you could probably gleam some of the best advice I've ever managed to give thus far.**

* * *

Plague Knight let out a bored yawn. It was that time of the day again. The time when Mona was asleep, but he was still full of energy. It happened often enough that he was more or less used to it, but that didn't make it any less boring.

He never did any work at this time, partly because he didn't want to make any important discoveries without her, and also because if anything exploded, it would very likely wake her, and she was never a pleasant person when her sleep was interrupted. She was careful about not taking it out on her partner, even if it was totally his fault, but everyone else was fair game, and he'd gotten a lot of shit from his minions for accidentally waking her, an act that that causes all but him to suffer.

Absentmindedly, he tossed a bomb into the air. He expected it to simply come back down so he could throw it again. What he didn't expect was that the instant his skin was no longer touching the bottle, it grew significantly in size, becoming at least as big as he was.

Surprised, Plague Knight let out a small shriek when the object suddenly engulfed his vision. Immediately, he reacted and jumped away. This bomb was on a particularly short fuse, and blew up nigh instantly. While he had gotten a fair distance away, enough to avoid the explosion of a normal potion, he has not prepared for the blast radius to increase as well. In his mind, it remained as powerful as the bomb that it had been, and in a way that remained true. The only change was the size. Because of this, he was hit.

Plague Knight was thrown back, smacking his back against the wall. He choked out a pained sound as he slid to the floor. Luckily, he wasn't too badly wounded; it was just a simple black powder bomb, after all. It burned, though.

He didn't move for a couple minutes, trying to wrap his mind around his potion's transformation. It defied all logic he was aware of, and the more he thought about it, the more it hurt to think about. Experimentally, he removed another bomb, this one on a standard fuse with a float casing to avoid damaging anything, and tossed it into the air. To his horror, it too grew in size, floating up briefly before blowing up.

"What the…?" He muttered, removing another bomb and looking at it curiously. He gave that one a toss as well, only mildly surprised when it grew as well.

Plague Knight returned to being silent and merely thinking over what was going on. His thought process was interrupted when he heard footsteps, and then a door slamming up. Jolting, he looked to the door and found Mona there, looking rather pissed.

"What are you doing?" She groaned.

Plague Knight blinked, unsure if he should be surprised that he woke her. "S-sorry," he said, forcing himself to his feet. "But check this out!" He removed another seemingly ordinary potion and put it in a float casing before releasing it.

Mona's expression was priceless. "What the hell?!"

"That's what I'd like to know," Plague Knight said.

Mona started sputtering, trying to talk but failing.

Plague Knight chuckled at her behavior. "I was bored, so I just threw a bomb in the air; you know I like to do that. But then it grew! I'm not sure if I should be scared or intrigued."

"Try both," Mona suggested. Her eyes trailed away from his face and down to his slightly wounded body. She frowned. "You're hurt… again."

Plague Knight looked down. He had hardly even noticed given that his cloak was made to resist blasts. That didn't stop the glass shards, though. But they had more or less disintegrated before becoming embedded in him, so he had no real reason to worry. "Don't sound surprised. I wasn't expecting that; of course I'm going to get a little hurt."

"Yes, I know, but I hate seeing my little Plaguey hurt."

Plague Knight was fully prepared to respond, but got hung up on her calling him 'her little Plaguey.' "U-um, I'm your little Plaguey now?"

He swore he heard her mutter 'I regret everything' as she quickly turned her face away, but not fast enough. He could see the blush on her mortified face. "I… meant that in a… fuck, I can't rationalize that; I'm sorry, I'm tired. Uh, ignore that comment."

Plague Knight cracked up laughing. He couldn't help it. It was ridiculous in a stupid sort of way, but it was funny while being a moment of pure compassion nonetheless, and it was small things like this that gave him the slightest bit of hope.

"Ah, anyway, so… your bombs…"

"Oh, right." He pulled out another bomb and stared at it intently as he dropped it. To his utter surprise, disappointment, confusion and fear, however, nothing spectacular happened. All of these emotions mixed together resulted in him staring blankly. "…What?"

Mona stared at the spot the bomb had been for a moment before asking, "Okay, quick, what kinda drugs were we taking before I went to bed?"

"Nothing that should have caused this."

Fearing for his sanity, if nothing else, Plague Knight started launching all manner of things he pulled from his pouch at the ground.

Mona watching with concern. "Uh, I think that was your Leech Liquid you just smashed."

Plague Knight stopped and shrugged. "That's generated by my magic anyway."

"I though only the liquid part of it was made by your magic and the container wasn't."

Plague Knight raised his hand, about to inform her that no, this was not the case, before it occurred to him that it was. "…Oops."

Mona sighed and lowered her head into her hand. "Oh Plaguey. I have a sneaking suspicion that we're both just tired to the point of seeing things and need sleep. You with me?"

"I ache; that could not have been a hallucination. But you know what? Fuck it. I agree. Yes, let's go sleep and never speak of this again."

"Yes, not looking into this will totally bite us in the ass, but… I don't think I care. Come, Plaguey, sleep awaits."

* * *

 **Okay, Jason, I think I am going to have to dedicate a 'chapter' to just talking to you, but anyway, here's my own rant in return; as a matter of fact, it's full on writing advice, oops, I hope you get something good from it even if you don't find it inherently helpful, but first of all, I say give your idea a shot. Do you know how impressive it is to me that you've thought up lore and you know the end goal, even if you have no idea how to get there? Seriously, thems some good shit, I say. Post it on Wattpad or something. Or don't post it at all. Or tell it through your drawings and put it on DA. Something. Indulge your ideas, it's a good way to use your creative side, if nothing else, and once you start doing that, you can make more interesting and more complex stuff. Even if that story doesn't work out. Do you know how many things on sitting around on my computer that are complete and utter shit that I thought was decent because I made them back in elementary and middle school? They are shit, but I like them regardless because I know that if I had never written them down, I would have never gotten any better. And I wouldn't be a grammar nut, so potential double edged sword there.**

 **Here's the thing, it doesn't matter if your ideas aren't 'original,' or you can't write for shit. Seriously, go look at my first story (that's on this site anyway; I will never let anyone see my writing from when I was in, like, 5th grade, that shit was nonsense on a stick and I don't think it ever got to 1000 words) and tell me that's original or good. I _will_ correct you, I have the motherfucking evidence. Heck, even years from that trainwreck of a story, Hanburger has combat so heavily based around Dark Souls it's hardly even funny, and it started out as a Persona crossover, so they are high school children that get sucked into a grand adventure, presumably against a god assuming humanity wants to die or turn away from the truth of the world, or never break from societal order (...does that one count as spoilers?). I will say it again and again, it doesn't matter that your ideas aren't 'original,' it's what you do with those unoriginal ideas to make it stand out that count, otherwise FF would be a very boring place, now wouldn't it? I find that to be somewhat natural as ideas come and go, but it takes a while, trust me.  
I was stuck thinking of that Persona crossover shit until I realized that then I would have to come up with _way_ too many Personas, at which point I was forced into a new path, although it arguable turned out for the better, no? Keep your ideas restricted in that it has the same end, but I recommend allowing your characters flow as naturally as your brain allows them to in order to guide them gently get to the end, if at all possible. After a certain point, you can really get to know the characters, and their actions will sometimes occur without you having to think about it at all. Like, okay, there's the path, and I see the castle, but the forest sounds like it could yield something nice if I go over there, even if it's potentially more dangerous, Sure, let's-oh goddamn, that's a wolf! ...Get me? And even if you don't like whatever you've done, you can always go back and revise. Or, you know, a strict beta reader would ask what the fuck you think you're doing. That too, I think (I don't use betas, although I totally should, I'm just a shy child who wouldn't know how or who to request).**

 **I can ramble on and on about this and how my stories have a bad tendency to follow something of a formula that, when you break it down, could potentially make you worried about me.**

 **Oh, and I would also honestly (no, seriously) suggest writing something, no matter how stupid or inane, every day, because I've found that's even helped me spice up writing assignments in English, and when I look at my friend's, I can't help but see a particular lack of love because she doesn't have a writing style in the same way as what I've developed over the years, and it was simply going through motions... Of course, I did get a D in that class while she got a C, but what shoved me down to there was not related to my writing skills and it was analyzing the one poem I wasn't prepared to clash with, so to speak. My first writing assignment, meanwhile, put me a grade above her, and I think she was actually at a D while I was at an F at the time.**

 **You know, I'd be willing to help you with your idea. It may sound lackluster to you, but I'm sure once I know more I could find some good potential in it. Maybe we could co-write on a Google Doc or something, haha.**

 **Haha, game making, man, game making.  
Uh, don't worry, I don't intend to ever fully 'disappear.' I at least need this account to keep talking to my friend Dove, anyway, and there is probably some amazing ideas to be taken from my conversations with Lkc, if nothing else.  
Is what too much? Deciding to be my fan? Honestly, it's flattering in a way, because I have a borderline crippling fear of failing terribly.**


	2. Dancin!

**This turned out a lot fluffier than I anticipated back when I made the document in... a whole year ago. Huh. Unintentional, but... strangely perfect, no?  
** **In fact, in the original idea in my head, they very nearly kissed, so... ya know. Ultimately, I decided I have no idea how to write exactly what was going on in my head, and plus it just felt really fucking cheesy.**

 **Also, as you will so find out, this is not exactly obeying canon. Not only did he already have the Leech Liquid, he also was unaware of Mona's dancing. Or... this could be going under the assumetion he went for Specter first, broke the Leech Liquid container sometime in between targets, and this is just after getting back from King, only instead of Mona dancing, it's Plaguey. You know what? I like that. Them's my bullshit, on the spot reasoning. (I honestly cannot tell how long it would take to fight your way through the order, so...)**

* * *

"Um… What are you doing?" Mona asked as she watched Plague Knight.

"I believe it's called 'dancing'," Plague Knight answered.

"O-okay, I think I got that, actually, so let me rephrase. Why?"

"That's not exactly a rephrase," Plague Knight pointed out. "It's just asking a separate question. However, to answer… I have no clue."

"How do you not have a clue?" Mona asked, already feeling a headache forming.

"I don't know!" Plague Knight whined. "I can only stop when I do something, but I can't stand still! Please help me!"

"Have you tried lying down?"

If Plague Knight could, he would have paused in thought, and maybe even smacked himself on the forehead if he got that far. As it stood, though, he continued his dance. He sighed and shook his head. "I supposed that could work…"

Wrestling control of his body, he lied down on the ground, feeling rather stupid all the way, but was glad that his body no longer moved without his consent.

"Huh, would you look at that, now I have to lay here like an idiot until I figure out what's going on." Regardless of the annoyance in his voice, he was actually rather comfortable for the moment.

"Well, on the bright side, you seem to know how to dance now," Mona said with a hopeless shrug and a small chuckle.

Plague Knight laughed with her. "Yeah, but I look like an idiot while doing it. I can't even read while standing up anymore because I'm constantly turning!"

"Uh, have you never thought to try spotting?"

A confused look appearing on his face, he muttered, "No, but that's because I don't know what that means in this particular context."

"Well, I mean, I feel like even without knowledge of the term, you should have figured it out. You just focus on a spot and once you can't see it anymore you whip your head around to focus on it again. It's to help with dizziness during high speed turns, but I suppose it can let you read while standing up until this condition of yours passes, hopefully as quickly as that weird bomb growing accident."

"I thought we agreed to never speak of that again?"

"I know, but now with you dancing, I can't help but feel there's a connection here. Uh, why do you like to read standing up, by the way? Never thought to ask that, now that I think about it, although I feel like a bit of an idiot for never thinking about it until now."

"It, uh, I just like it, okay, shut up." Quickly, he tried to change the subject. "Uh, anyway, so 'spotting' is a dancing term in this context, right?"

Not quite seeing where he was going with this, Mona replied, "Yeah… What about it?"

"Well, I didn't know you were the type that bothered to look into dancing terms. And I doubt you just stumbled upon it one day by accident."

Mona's eyes widened like she just gave away a precious secret. "Er… okay, uh, it," she let out an annoyed sigh, and lowered her voice to a near whisper. "It may be that I kinda like dances."

Plague Knight smiled up at her. "Oh. That's kinda neat. I'm surprised this is the first I'm hearing of it."

"That's because I haven't told anyone."

"Are you bad?"

"N-no. I don't think so, anyway."

"Oh, uh…" Plague Knight stopped himself. No, that was overstepping boundaries.

Mona saw his hesitation. "What's up? Don't tell me you want to see it now."

"Uh, no, no."

"You're a terrible liar, I hope you realize."

Flinching, he said, "Which feels really ironic considering I'm a massive outlaw."

Mona laughed. "Not when you have me to lie for you. Tell me truthfully now, do you want to see it?"

"Yeah. I, uh, think it'll be really cool. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, which is why I didn't say anything. You don't have to."

She provided him a wry smile and shook her head. "No, it's fine. I've been keeping that particular secret for years, so I suppose you deserve a reward for finally worming it out of me."

"You've been dancing for years and I never knew?"

"Actually, since I was a little kid. I just never told you."

Plague Knight laughed. "So what else have you been hiding from me all these years, then, eh?" Upon seeing her expression shift from amusement, if not a little apprehensive, to completely on guard, he assured her, "Don't worry, I won't start going through your stuff trying to find out your deepest darkest secrets." He didn't tell her, but he made a mental note to start listening more carefully to her words to see what else he could notice.

"You'd better not," she growled, walking towards him and pulling him to his feet.

"Mona? What're you-?"

She studied his still involuntary movements, nodding after a moment. "Your dance… it's the same. I… I kinda feel like my privacy has been invaded by whatever entity has caused this."

"My dance is the same as what now?"

Mona held up a finger, and Plague Knight waited. Suddenly, she was right there in his face, and he had to look up to see her head. His eyes darted to his hands, one resting at her back and the other gripping hers.

Despite their status as partners until the bitter end, it was rare for the two of them to be this close when they were fully awake, and Plague Knight had to thank the gods that his body was on complete autopilot, because otherwise he would have tripped or frozen up in surprise and a small bit of fear within the first two seconds.

Mona was laughing lightly at the expression he wore, but one look at her face revealed that she was trying to cover up the fact she had terrified herself from the move she had just made. The fact that both of them were aware of each other's nervousness made the situation almost laughable, but in spite of the fact that they, Plague Knight being a particularly well known case, were a couple of giggling goofballs when it came to uncomfortable situations, neither of them managed to let out more than an odd choked noise.

Plague Knight could see a light blush forming on his partner's face, and was honestly surprised that she didn't just jump away from him and laugh at the ridiculousness of what they were doing. Instead, she managed an awkward smile and asked, "Is this sufficient for you?"

After taking a moment to process what she meant, he started to ramble in reply, "Y-yeah, very much so. You've very good. Or we're both terribly sub-par, and I can't tell because we haven't tripped yet. I should hope it isn't that, though. But I can't really tell, so I'm just going to assume the former. Does that sound weird? Or gods, that sounds weird."

Mona snickered. "I'm probably just immune to your weirdness, but I don't find it to be weird. Flattering is more accurate."

Although laughing, somewhat awkwardly at that, inwardly Plague Knight was pleading for this to just end. The longer this went on, the less he knew how to deal with it, which was giving him some nasty side effects. He could feel his hands were terribly sweaty at this point, and he just knew she could feel it through her clothes and glove. He couldn't see his own face, but judging from the fire he felt there, he should have collapsed from the lack of blood to the rest of his body. He had to make an active effort to avoid hyperventilating as his heart rate steadily increased to the point that he could hear it pounding in his ears.

Opposite him, his partner didn't seem to be fairing a lot better, with a sort of nervousness plaguing her that he thought he'd never have to see, although she had a small smile on her face as though she were at least a little content with what was going on. It occurred to him that she at least had the choice to move away and stop. But she wasn't. Why wasn't she? It didn't make sense. He wanted to ask her about this, but he could feel a lump in his throat and he didn't trust himself to even try. She didn't seem worried by it at all; in fact, she was occasionally glancing down at her hands and feet as though doing some sort of mental check to ensure that she wasn't going to ruin the moment.

He wondered how long she planned to keep this up. He really hoped she realized he was going to trip, and maybe even drag her to the ground with him when he did so upon whatever spell was making him dance wore off.

As luck would have it, that exact thing happened. He fully regained control of his body, and he nearly crumbled right there when his muscles all relaxed at the same time. Instead, he stumbled, tightening his grip on Mona to hopefully hold him up long enough to regain his balance. Unfortunately, he only succeeded in startling her into falling with him.

Plague Knight's head smashed into the ground and he immediately curled up into a ball, his hands covering the back of his skull to hopefully protect it.

Focused as he was on avoiding more pain, he nearly missed his partner asking if he was alright.

"That's potentially debatable, but I guess I have control back when I'm standing still, so… yay?"

"Yay," Mona repeated, although he swore she sounded more annoyed than happy. "I assume that means you can't dance anymore."

"Probably not. Let's find out." He stood and raised his arms to the air and took a couple experimental steps. "No, that doesn't feel right."

Mona joined him and tried to help, but in the end they had to concede that he had no muscle memory from the event, so they had to give up.

Plague Knight huffed. "Honestly… I have no use for dancing, and it was freaking weird having my body move like that, but I suppose it was fun while it lasted, so that kinda sorta sucks."

"Yeah," Mona sighed. "Back to one person dances I guess. After we figure out why you were doing that, though."

"I can't imagine it's fun dancing on your own."

"It isn't."

"Um, have you ever thought to get a partner?"

"You know I can't bear people."

"Right, right." He wanted to suggest she teach him, because he clearly didn't have _that_ bad a case of two left feet if he managed it while under that spell or whatever it was. But fuck if he was going to do that.

The two feel into silence for a moment.

"Should we just… get to work?" Mona questioned.

Plague Knight nodded. "I suppose we should. We've wasted enough time as it is."

"We're not forgetting about it this time, you know that, right?"

"If we're going to be looking into it, yeah, I guess."

* * *

 **Jason, dear, you're welcome for the encouragement. Yes, it was the closest I know how to really give encouragement. Sad.  
Uh, that's why you get an account somewhere... And like I said, you don't have to post anything. Keep it to yourself if you want. Two: Then draw on paper. I do understand. Do you have, like, and iPhone or Android, because those can get some pretty sweet drawing apps. I don't blame you for not having the equipment, I don't either. I use FireAlpaca if I need to draw with a bigger canvas than what my mobile device allows, and it's slow, but not that bad if you have the time. Wouldn't you believe that Short's picture was made originally on my iPod, but then I dragged it onto my computer, completely retraced, recolored, all that jazz? Slow, but decent results if you're willing to put the time in. Otherwise, start learning how to draw with paper. Actually, it's easier. Pencil in hand is so much better.**

 **Yeah, I saw that, and I fucking agree. Although... I have yet to see any story focusing on Red and Scarlet. So it might be better to hold off on that. Someone (not me, I'm a frightened wimp) needs to email someone to get them to add in the tags, apparently. Trust me, I looked it up and think it's way too long and involved for something so small.**

 **No, I don't count it as a mess. Have you seen _my_ replies? This is a tame one!**

 **By the way, question, what would you say if I told you I wanted to make an AU focusing on the rumor in Plague of Shadows being true, but with the catch of the Magicist still falling for Percy in the end anyway? I've written somewhere around 1700 words, and while there is no guarantee, I wish to see what you would have to say just based on that small** **descriptor.**


	3. Shovelin!

**And it's time for me to make fun of Shovel Knight this time!**

 **Specifically, the knock-back, the superjump cheat, the superspeed cheat, and NG+ as a whole, which will kinda be a bit of a mini series within a miniseries, I suppose. Because it's probably good to break it up into chunks if I'm not going to give it its own story, which it wouldn't be long enough to warrant that,** **let's be real here.**

 **The reason they're mini stories like this is because I'm lazy. I'll admit it. So it takes an approach somewhat closer to S-hovel K-night's approach to it. Only obviously far less elegant-like.**

* * *

"Alright, time to go save Shield Knight!" Shovel Knight announced happily to no one in particular as he jumped to the grassy plains and held up his shovel triumphantly.

He knew he was going to win. He had to win. His partner was on the line.

And, admittedly, a bit of his sanity. He had spent way too much time farming, and he sort of felt like he was going to go mad from lack of excitement.

He wandered his way up to his first enemy in over a year. A cute little red beetle.

Shovel Knight made a little cooing noise as he watched the adorable enemy spot him and waddle over to him in what was supposed to be an aggressive manner. Being an experienced adventurer, he was not exactly frightened by the creature. Instead, he was quite the opposite.

"Aw, I outta bring you home with me."

He swore he saw the beetle's eye twitch at the jab at its fear inducing powers, or lack thereof. It started scuttling faster towards him, but still not at a pace that gave him the indication that it could cause him any harm at all. After all, he was wearing some pretty heavy armor.

He allowed it to try and gnaw on his leg. The instant it touched him, though, he was thrown back several feet. Recovering from the shock, he realized his body hurt in places it most definitely should not considering the tiny thing in front of him only reached about his waist.

Jaw dropping in disbelief, he attacked the beetle, feeling that he was not willing to do that again.

As was oddly standard in this world, gold popped out of the dead monster. Grumbling to himself in confusion, Shovel Knight grabbed what was his and stored it in… Actually, uh, shush, ignore that, it doesn't matter where he puts the several thousand pieces of gold that are often in tiny bits of 1s and 5s.

…Anyway, the blue knight continued on his journey, continuing to get thrown around like a sack of potatoes by things that possess nowhere near enough strength to reasonably cause such a reaction.

Shovel Knight was not amused.

* * *

Shovel Knight stared at the gaping hole before him. All he had to do was bounce off of the Floatsomes to get to the ladder.

…Don't question how using a shovel, made for stabbing straight into the dirt, can make him bounce off of things… Just don't.

Anyway, the blue warrior took a running leap at the enemies, surprising himself when he flew at least 50 feet into the air with surprising speed.

Screaming in distress, Shovel Knight dropped without a single thought going to grabbing onto the ladder that passed him by as he descended.

Angrily muttering to himself, over the course of the next half hour, he dragged himself out of the pit he had fallen into.

Once back up top, he tested his jump again. Nothing spectacular happened.

Utterly confused, the knight just shrugged and took another running leap at the enemy that was patiently awaiting its death.

* * *

Grinding his teeth together yet again, Shovel Knight again attempted to ascend the Tower of Fate. He just wanted to make some progress, but he only ever got as far as the griffin before he was knocked off, or pushed off, or shoved off, and he was, to put it bluntly, beyond pissed at how well the Enchantress's defenses were working.

He mentally prepared himself for more running leaps onto the magical book's strange creations. He opened the tome with a powerful swing, hesitated for half a second, and then dashed forward to jump. However, to his annoyance more than his surprise, he got much more forward momentum than he anticipated from his half a second that he remained on the ground. He flew right past his target and right into a Charflounder.

Silently cursing the world and all who inhabit it, the poor man was knocked backwards, by pure coincidence right onto one of the magical platforms. Sighing in relief, he picked himself up, groaning at the oddity of his adventure.

The magic book's power started to disappear. Concerned, he tried to get back to it, not willing to fall into the pit yet again. But his super momentum was gone, so he simply did not manage to get far enough before the platforms blinked out of existence.

Making a noise that was somewhere between a sigh and gnash, the poor warrior helplessly fell into the pit to start the area all over again.

Only later did he remember he had his Propeller Dagger.

* * *

"Alright, time to save Shield Knight… again?"

Shovel Knight frowned as he looked around. He was back in the plains, and judging from what he just yelled, Shield Knight had not been rescued. But… he did save her. He saw it with his own eyes. So why did he…?

He made his way back to town, utterly decimating Black Knight when he tried to get in his way, asking Farrels when he arrived, "What is the current status of the Enchantress?"

The guard raised an eyebrow at him. "Still in power. Like she's been for… a long time now. Why?"

Seriously perturbed, Shovel Knight muttered, "No reason in particular. I don't think." He wandered his way over to the Gastronomer. "You remember me, right?"

The cook raised an eyebrow at him. His typical rhyming conventions dropped, probably not able to think of anything fast enough for it to honestly make any sense. "What are you talking about? Never seen you before in my life."

Shovel Knight cocked his head to the side, debating on if he should ask the Magicist or not if she knew him. He decided to just not when she simply was not there.

Utterly befuddled beyond belief, he made his way out of the village. Above him, a shadow quickly passed, accompanied by a small boom. Surprised, he looked up and saw a rather familiar form.

"Plague Knight… maybe he'll remember. Surely he would, I beat him up, after all."

The warrior took off after the small alchemist, who noticed quickly and landed to confront him.

"What do you want?!" The small bird man shouted irritably.

"Do you remember me?" Shovel Knight asked simply.

Plague Knight seemed to open his mouth, intent of screaming this or that, but paused in confusion. His voice lost its irritation, and instead sounded almost sad. "Yes, I remember you, but… according to how the rest of my day has gone, I don't… I don't know you, per say. Does that… make any sense?"

Shovel Knight lit up. "You remember me! We haven't met, apparently, anyway, but you remember me!"

The annoyance returned, and he snapped, "You smacked me in the back, you bastard, twice, in fact! I'm not going to forget you no matter what!"

Shovel Knight couldn't help but laugh. "I'm not alone! The only other person who knows this is repeating is an insane alchemist, but I'm not alone!"

"Was that an insult?"

"Uh… not intentionally. Anyway, um, do you know what's going on?"

Plague Knight crossed his arms, almost looking like he was hugging himself. He spoke slowly, and with a particular lack of life that gave Shovel Knight the impression that the time rewind they seemed to be experiencing had caused him some sort of great tragedy. "I don't know. Honestly, I don't." He raised his arms, took a couple steps, as though dancing a little. "I shared a dance… with the one I love. And then I went to sleep, but when I woke up… she had forgotten all about it. I-I didn't have the courage to tell her again. So… now I'm off to hunt down the order once again…"

"Wait, you were _hunting_ the order members?" Shovel Knight questioned incredulously.

Plague Knight nodded. "Yeah. The order's… and your essence had to be obtained because I believed I needed it."

"You… believed? Okay, I'm not exactly an expert in the English language here, but doesn't that imply you know it now to not be true?"

He nodded. "Yes. But, like I said, I… just can't admit it to her again. It terrifies me that this time… she will turn me down, and I will be left with nothing."

Shovel Knight frowned. "That's probably not true."

Plague Knight took a deep breath. "That may be true… but I am unwilling to test it."

Slowly, Shovel Knight nodded. "I understand. So, because we are going to do the same thing, even though, as a member of the order, you are technically my enemy…" He approached the alchemist and held out his hand. "I believe the phrase 'enemy of my enemy is my friend' applies here."

Plague Knight stared at the blue gauntlet for a moment. "Anything for her," he announced, shaking hands with the adventurer.

A smile grew on Shovel Knight's face. "Very well. King Knight or Specter Knight first?"

* * *

 **Anyway, Jason, I understand you so well. I kinda honestly don't like making art unless I'm in a serious mood for it because it's always really uncomfortable. But I also for whatever reason just don't want to break out the pencils and everything to make legit non-digital art, even though I have all of these special pencils from art class.**

 **...The rumor in which Plague Knight is making the Ultimate Potion for the Magicist. Also, now that I'm thinking about it... when Plague Knight turned traitor, why didn't Black Knight make him weaker by removing the Magicist by telling the town that she was assisting him? And he knows about Mona, too, so why not get her arrested too? I mean, did anonymous tips not exist back then? That would have legit destroyed him... hm, another thing to add to the list, I guess. That'll be a fucking dark section, won't it?**

 **Er, now that I've gone off track... Yeah, I assume it's meant to be a joke. I mean, how would anything work like that? Kissing would be awkward and he doesn't have hands, so he can't hold hers, and I don't _think_ horses have a lot of nerves on their hooves. So, I mean, maybe they could figure out something about the kissing, but I don't think he can reach second base.**

 **Anyway... sorry if this is butting into your business... but I glanced at Lkc's tumblr earlier and I saw your latest talk with her. I know you probably feel bad about that and everything... just know you aren't exactly alone in it. I'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about, and I kinda get the feeling that they've stuck their fingers in their ears and started loudly singing to themselves to avoid what's considered 'canon' for Plague, to the point that it feels like they're making up stuff to avoid it. I understand why they're annoyed with YCG kinda forcing a romance with him, especially since with Shield and Shovel it feels more implied, and you can choose to believe it or not and I know that when (and this is going to make no sense to you) Atlus inevitably brings back Minato, I'm going to be mad because it goes against Persona 3's entire theme of literally '** It matters not who you are... Death awaits you **' and making the most of the time you have** **. Uh, that's slightly different considering it deals with a game's themes rather than a personal choice. But you know.**

 **But, uh... my advice? Just ignore them if you can help it, but don't ignore the fact that they exist, if that makes anyway sense. Like, don't get in their face, any else's face for that matter if they don't agree with you, but just keep it in the back of your mind that not everyone is a shipper of Plague and Mona, and if you ever get into an argument with someone about it, acknowledge that their side exists, but then give a counterarguement (wow, it sounds like I'm talking about an essay). 'I understand that Minato is an all powerful badass and is great, and that he has contributed a great overall plot of the games, however, the reason I think that he should remain dead is because of this, that, and the next thing.' But Lkc is right in that she has made up a lot of shit for her story, and only Specter's backstory has a valid reason (she made it before Sot)**

 ***Takes deep breath* Sorry, that got long.**


	4. More Shovelin!

**I think I'm going to make fun of Specter Knight next. That sounds fun.**

 **This time, we're getting all up in the face of... spikes, death, very large men, pits, gods' wrath, and goddammit this isn't the first time.**

* * *

"Shovel…" Shield Knight lazily called out. "What have I said? Keep away from the spikes."

Shovel Knight scoffed. "Why do you keep trying to tell me how to fight?!"

"Because if you get too close to the spikes you'll die," Shield Knight answered, watching as he got a step closer while evading the slime he was using for dodging practice. "I swear I'm going to regret being your partner."

"Hey!" Shovel Knight yelled, offended. "I will make you regret ever thinking that!"

"It'll be a long time before that happens," Shield Knight muttered, an increasingly unimpressed look growing on her face with each passing second. He was still getting closer to the spikes, and she did not want to deal with the consequences of that. "Gods, Shovel, get away from the spikes." But at the same time, maybe it'd be good for a lesson…

In retaliation, Shovel Knight hovered a foot over a spike. Shield Knight heaved a sigh and got up, pushing him into the randomly placed bed of spikes.

The poor boy let out a startled noise and tried to save himself, but it was too late. The look of pure fear on his face right before he died made Shield Knight question just how much he knew about the life of an adventurer.

Sighing to herself, she wandered her way back to the last checkpoint they passed, finding him curled up in a tiny ball and whimpering.

"You are aware we can't die, right?"

"I am now!"

"I've traumatized you, haven't I?"

"Very much so."

Shield Knight shook her head. It would be a long time before he would make a worthy partner.

* * *

"…Why are you a giant?" King Knight couldn't help but ask as he stared at his foe.

Shovel Knight glanced down at his body. "You know, I'm honestly trying to figure that one out for myself still. But it's no different than getting knocked around because I gently poked a beetle, or the weird super jump I did a couple… wait, that hasn't happened yet. Oh no, uh, please, ignore that."

"Uh, okay…" King Knight started to absentmindedly scratch at his armor as he tried to figure out what to do. "What is it you need of me?"

Seemingly satisfied to be on track again, or at least no longer having to speak about his sudden gigantism, Shovel Knight replied, "You will step down from power, or I will make you!"

King Knight stuck his tongue out at the huge man. The effect was completely lost, however, because of his helmet. "What are you going to do, sit on me until I yell uncle?"

Shovel Knight slowly looked downwards. "Are you seriously giving me ideas?"

Eyes going wide in realization, King Knight muttered, "Shit."

"Language!" Shovel Knight immediately scolded.

"What? Why are you trying to make me feel bad about swearing? I am a criminal!"

Shovel Knight was silent for a moment before saying, "Good point," and smashing his shovel over the false king's head.

Crouching and covering his wounded cranium, King Knight whimpered. "I regret so much."

"As you should! Now step down from your throne!"

King Knight sucked in air, about to agree. Hearing a confused grunt from his foe, though, he looked up and found Shovel Knight had shrunk back to his regular size. "Always at the most inconvenient of times," he whispered to himself, seemingly unperturbed by the change.

Seeing a chance to get himself out of the situation, King Knight stood up, glaring at the tiny man.

Shovel Knight took a step back. "Oh dear."

"Oh dear is right!" King Knight yelled as he beat the end of his scepter in his palm.

* * *

"NO! Again!" Shovel Knight yelled as he fell down yet another pit. Those led to his death more often than anything else, and it was starting to grate at his nerves.

He didn't die, though. Sighing, he looked up to see how far he had to climb to get back to where he was and found it to only be around five feet.

"…What?"

Slowly, he looked down to see just how deep the pit he had fallen into was. To his utter confusion, he found that he was currently sitting on absolute nothing.

"Okay, I know I've defied physics before… but this is beyond ridiculous. And of course it's going to wear off right when I need it the most, so I don't see the point. Why gods?!"

As though the gods were offended by his lack of appreciation for the gift (wouldn't you be?), Shovel Knight was then dropped like a child's plaything upon said child hearing the words 'ice cream'.

Shovel Knight, naturally, agreed to never again insult his gods.

* * *

"Wow, I am honestly stunned," Specter Knight commented as he gazed at the two warriors that had invaded his land. "I knew you were both going to come for me, but I never expected to see you together."

"Our goals happen to line up quite nicely," Plague Knight explained with a smugness in his tone that infuriated the ghost man.

"What commonality is there in your goals? You're a wimp hiding from yourself and he's an idiot in the most visible armor this side of the valley. The only thing that is the same about your quests is that they both involve women."

"I'd explain, but I'm tired of it when no one knows what we're talking about."

"Oh, so you're admitting you're idiots? Never thought I'd drag that confession from you."

Plague Knight grit his teeth together, irritated at the taunt. "Oh, so you're the smart one now?! You think we haven't heard about how you've died?"

Specter Knight teleported so he was staring deep into the alchemist's eyeholes. "How did you find that out?"

Snickering, Plague Knight replied, "You would not believe what chatterboxes those Liquid Samurai can be once you know understand them. Mole Knight found it out and tried to keep it a secret, but it spread like wildfire anyway."

Specter Knight didn't move for a moment before his hand lashed out and started to choke his foe. "I will make you pay for that."

Thinking fast, Shovel Knight attacked, but Specter Knight disappeared before the weapon could connect.

"I wasn't the one to spread it, you asshole!" Plague Knight yelled as he got air in his lungs again.

"Yes, but I will never find out who did, ergo, I will hurt you instead."

"Ergo?" Shovel Knight asked.

"Do you not know what that means?" Plague Knight asked, casting a sideways glance to his companion. "Or are you just making fun of him? Because it's the latter, I have to agree. Who puts 'ergo' in their everyday speech?"

"Oh, definitely the latter."

Specter Knight growled as he clenched and unclenched his hand in a desperate attempt to do away with some of his accumulating stress. "Would you kindly fuck off?"

"Language!" Shovel Knight immediately scolded.

Throwing his hands in the air out of irritation, Specter Knight shouted, "Why are you getting on my nerves about it? Plague Knight's the one who swore first!"

"Actually, I tried to correct his behavior yesterday… Never again."

"Dare I ask what you did to him?"

Shrugging, Plague Knight casually said, "Oh, it wasn't much, just a nightmare tonic. Apparently he's just a massive crybaby."

"You did not see what I saw! How would you feel if the woman you love so much was impaled on spikes?!"

Plague Knight seemed to raise an eyebrow as he spoke with a heavily confused tone of voice. "Why was that the fate she met in your dream? Because I hope you realize that's an everyday reality for us."

"Because she's not dumb enough to keep landing on them like I do! Besides, our bodies don't stick around, so I wouldn't have to stare at her bloodied body anyway."

"…But you're seriously afraid that she will forever perish on spikes. Do you not realize how ridiculous that sounds? I would have a valid reason for fearing that for my partner, since she has no way of making use of checkpoints… but you? Really?" Plague Knight hung his head, grumbling something about one too many brain cells. Eventually, he lifted his head and yelled, "Specter Knight, give up your essence and stop terrorizing people and we'll just leave, alright?"

Specter Knight seemed to have raised an eyebrow at the disfunctionality between the two. "How about no?"

"Then we do it the hard way. Duh," Shovel Knight replied.

"I will make you regret this."

Unfortunately for Plague Knight and Shovel Knight , it didn't take much for Specter Knight to turn their attacks on each other, first unintentional, and then very intentional when they started to get annoyed with the incompatibility of their fighting styles. Eventually, it devolved into a simple shouting match.

"Fuck you, asshole!"

"You are the most obnoxious creature I have ever met!"

"Oh, yeah, that carries a real sting to it, doesn't it?"

"Okay, you want sting? Alright, I can give you that! I bet your partner never liked you, not even the first time around."

Even Specter Knight, several feet again, heard the small, terrified gasp that Plague Knight attempted to cover up.

A couple moments passed, and the alchemist failed to give a response.

"Okay, that was strikingly mean," Specter Knight said. "Never knew you had it in you, good job. May I ask what you mean by first time, though?"

"It's… complicated," Shovel Knight replied.

"Have you been sent back to the beginning of your adventure?"

Shovel Knight whipped around to look at the reaper, and Plague Knight slowly cocked his head to the side, mouth probably agape under that unfeeling mask of his.

"Oh, goddammit, Enchantress."

* * *

 **Okay, I will admit, I cracked up when I read that. That was truly great. Anyway... I didn't know there was such a thing as a horse year, but considering dogs and cats... uh, I assume horse years since his physical self is much more in line with a horse, and his mind is more human. Which means that I assume he's actually very young, can't be more than 10 to already be 30 in human years. If only it were the other way around, so we could finally explain why he's so goddamn dense. But nope, he'd have to be a 3 (9 in human) year old to explain away that.**

 **Yeah. If you are indeed talking about who I am thinking about (I'm on a discord server with them, but I can't talk to anyone there because I'm a _massive_ wimp, so I'm going to be one of the members purged in two days, haha), then they do actually draw things that are indeed in line with their headcanon, so there's that. Which I can never find as concrete as a story. Seriously, I'll be on DA, and I'll find an artist that has these fully fleshed out stories for their characters, but I have legit no idea how to find it, so I'm just like, 'Okay, these are people/animals. Good to know...? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!' And it's only after hours of searching you find this one little side post explaining the basics of how the universe works or what. Like, what?**

 **Mary Sues are actually really funny if done right/horribly, horribly wrong. I've actually found this one Kingdom Hearts story, that I for some reason remember reading in Horticulture, that was filled to the brim with Mary Sues possessing overly long Japanese names with wings and big swords and this and that and they were all in love with Axel and trying to get in his pants, so Axel had to get his coworkers into trick them into killing themselves. It was... wonderful in the most strange of ways, and I'm sad it will never be finished.**

 **I know, right? Shovel and Plague, working together, Plague probably accidentally bombing Shovel, and Shovel getting pissed off, because let's be real here, the first time might be an accident, but Plague'll do it again for shits and giggles anyway.**

 **You know, you probably are forgetting something. But oh well, what're gonna do?**


	5. I Promise This Is The Final Shovelin

**Yay, holy crap, even more even more. In fact, that's the name of the document, haha.**

 **Today, we have ground pogo, the _Iron Man_ challenge, and immediately having all relics, none of which cost magic for the hell of it. And if you want to know why I called it mana, blame Plague of Beginnings, because in the seventh chapter, the magical stuff you use to actually use spells to referred to as mana. I can't claim to understand it, not at this point in time, but I ended up calling it that anyway, if nothing else for variety's sake.**

* * *

'Okay, pogo off that beetle to get over there,' Shovel Knight thought to himself as he approached the small enemy.

He launched himself into the air, shoving his shovel under his feet and descending quickly.

He misjudged his enemy.

The beetle somehow managed to be smart enough to sidestep the attack. Now, he was coming straight for the ground.

Inwardly, Shovel Knight groaned to himself. Seriously? Now his weapon was going to get struck in the ground, and he would have to pull it out, probably getting hit and thrown back in the process, forced to use his Flare Wand to destroy the tiny creature, at which point he wouldn't be able to get up the ledge with any form of ease.

And yes, that did indeed happen a lot.

He was much too close to the ground to correct himself, so he merely resigned himself to his fate.

But then he was thrown back into the sky.

Surprised, he looked downward and found the beetle to still be alive.

What?

He landed where he had wanted to get to, but he didn't understand it. He jumped up and pointed his shovel downwards again, springing off the solid ground.

"…Okay, I can get down with this," he announced happily, continuing to wander his way in the vague direction of forward.

* * *

There was a timer floating above his head. He was running to Mole Knight in fear.

But why?

Honestly, he couldn't answer that. Like a lot of things in his life.

He had just reached the first checkpoint when suddenly he heard ticking. He looked around in utter confusion, and eventually glanced upwards. Two minutes and 28 seconds on the clock.

Concerned, surprised and frightened, he took to running as fast as he could to Mole Knight, to avoid whatever the clock was ticking down to.

Amazingly, he managed to reach the large knight with 30 seconds to spare.

That wasn't enough time.

"Why do you have a timer above your head?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure I want to know, now get wrecked so I can get out of here before it hits zero!"

"Get wrecked?" Mole Knight snickered. "Um, how about no? You seem like a funny dude, but I will kick you out of here before that thing can run out."

Shovel Knight prepared himself for a fight. 20 seconds left.

Mole Knight immediately dived below the ground, coming up underneath Shovel Knight's exact spot despite the fact that he tried to move to avoid such a thing.

He was pinned.

Time was running out.

Mole Knight knew it, too.

Without a second thought, he crushed his adversary's skull beneath his palm.

When Shovel Knight popped back into existence right outside Mole Knight's lair, time had run out.

His vision faded, and he collapsed.

When he awoke, he was right outside the Lost City.

To say he didn't know how to react to this would be an understatement.

Ultimately, though, he shrugged it off.

While it was most definitely the most stressful thing to happen to him, it was not the strangest.

* * *

The Magicist spared Shovel Knight only a passing glance as she worked, but nevertheless addressed him. "Here to increase your mana pool? Hm? Why would you bother? None of those things need magic anyway."

"Wait, they don't? Actually, the bigger question here is what in the heck are you talking about, I don't have anything that needs," Shovel Knight opened his pouch and ceased talking for a moment, stunned, "…mana." Sitting there, in his pouch, were ten different relics. "Okay, what?"

The Magicist turned her full attention to the traveler. "You mean you don't know where those came from?"

"No. No, as a matter of fact I don't have a single clue. Did I have these before?"

"Why are you asking me? But to answer, consider you're questioning their existence, I'd say probably not."

"I'm more like asking myself, but it's good to see I'm not the only one who fails to understand here."

"You sound a lot less concerned than I think you should be."

"Oh, I am. Don't worry about it. It involves things that have not yet happened."

"So… you're a psychic? Or a time traveler?"

"I'm not sure of that, honestly. I just have a bunch of random, disjointed memories from such places as the Flying Machine, Pridemoor Keep, except I have yet to go to either of those places, or anywhere else that appears in these memories."

The Magicist studied the man for a moment with a thoroughly concerned look on her face. "Right, okay, well… uh, I think you need some time in the insane asylum…"

"I'm not insane," Shovel Knight protested. "I'm partly on this quest to figure out what's going on! Ugh, whatever. I'm not risking a trip to the place reserved for the loons."

"You are a loon."

"Wow, thank you. You do not look like the snarky type, you know."

"Yes, well, when you hang around the same people as me…"

"Right, I'm not going to stick around to meet them. Good day."

(Later…)

"You know that Shovel Knight guy?" The Magicist questioned.

"What about him?" Mona questioned, seeming more to get the conversation over with than out of actual interest.

"I think he's crazy."

"Yeah, and grass is green. What else is new?"

"Eh?"

* * *

"M-Mona?"

Mona glanced up from what she had been doing at him in confusion. "Plaguey? You're back a lot earlier than I expected. Why do you sound so nervous?"

"Uh, we shouldn't be talking outside the lab," he reminded her, looking behind him to the thin wall separating them and the bar.

Nodding in understanding, the female alchemist took the two down to the Potionarium.

"Okay, so what's up? You got the essence?"

"Yes, but, uh, the plan… it's been changed."

Mona frowned. "What do you mean? I don't understand, why would you change it?"

"Because… Specter Knight is right. If what I'm thinking is going on is true, then the Ultimate Potion will not help anything."

Okay, now Mona was really concerned.

"Plague Knight, what are you on about? What did he tell you? The Ultimate Potion will give you what you want, and that isn't going to change!"

Plague Knight shook his head. "Nah, it's a complicated issue."

"Then would you stop dancing around it and tell me what's up?"

He flinched. Wrong move. Before she could soften her words a bit, he replied. "I love you."

The words were so soft that she nearly asked him to repeat it. But, at the same time, she got the impression that she would not be able to drag that statement out of him again, and thusly refrained. Instead, she repeated it for him.

"You… love me?"

Slowly, he nodded. "Y-yes. Specter Knight said it would be the same, and if it's not, I am going to strangle him until he's triple dead."

Although her thoughts were mostly consumed by the mere fact that _he loved her_ , something nagged at Mona. "Wait, the same as what, exactly?"

Taking a deep breath, Plague Knight explained. "I am reliving this whole thing. I have succeeded in making the Ultimate Potion before. Shovel Knight has defeated the Enchantress before. Specter Knight… for some reason no one can adequately explain, has recruited the Order twice. I-I don't know why. Specter Knight blames the Enchantress, but it makes no sense as to why she would force him to relive his time as a recruiter. No one can explain it, but, if you do everything the same… nothing changes."

Mona didn't mean to sound annoyed when she asked, but it slipped into her voice anyway, "Why didn't you inform me of this?"

Again, he flinched. "Because what if things weren't the same?! What if they aren't the same; you still haven't said a word on my confession! I don't want to be hurt, Mona!"

Mona felt like her heart was going to break for him as she watched him tremble. "But… that doesn't explain why you wouldn't tell me about the fact that events are repeating. You didn't have to admit you like me. And for the record…" She walked forward, leaning down to be at eye level at him. She heard him about to question her when she grabbed his mask, but the words promptly died in his throat when she lifted it enough to see the bottom half of his face. She quickly pecked him on the cheek and yanked the mask back into place, muttering, "I love you too," before turning away when she felt her face heat up.

There was silence for a moment before Plague Knight let out an awkward, yet adorable squeak of a noise.

Mona tried to hold it in, but started to laugh at his reaction. "I'm sorry, Plaguey," she breathed upon calming down, finally looking back to him. "Really, I am, but you got to admit… that was precious."

"That wasn't what you did the first time…" he muttered, his fingers starting to play with themselves out of nervousness.

"And just what did I do the first time?"

"You danced with me."

"But you can't dance… wait, when did you learn I like to dance?!"

"Well, actually, when I started dancing randomly, but that's even less understood than our current fiasco, so we ended up dropping that."

"You know how to dance?"

"Not at the point in time, but I later learned from a fish king… oh gods, that sounds insane."

"It's a good thing we already knew you were crazy."

Plague Knight screamed while Mona grabbed at her pouch, all the while wondering if she even had any attack potions stored away in it.

"Gods, calm down, I'm not going to murder you. Yet."

Plague Knight calmed down and groaned. "Specter Knight, I will hurt you for that."

Specter Knight was completely unfazed from this information. "Shovel Knight's just getting bored and is threatening to leave without you."

"Ugh, fine, tell him I'll be out in a minute, geez."

While Specter Knight floated back through the wall he had come through, Plague Knight looked back to Mona and held out Specter Knight's essence. "I'm going to make the Ultimate Potion and use it to blow up the Tower of Fate. Last time we did that, the people accepted us and life was really looking up, so… I want to repeat that. And maybe we'll find out why time is repeating while we're at it."

Mona nodded and took the ingredient from him. "Very well then, my knight. Just be careful."

"I've got two other guys with me; I'll be fine."

"It's those two other guys that I'm worried about."

"Oh, well, when you say that… yeah, Specter Knight does look like he'd fuck my shit up if I twitch in the wrong direction…"

"Honestly, the 'friends' you keep making when I'm not looking is staggering."

"And I'm pretty sure you haven't even met Shovel Knight in this timeline."

"Right, well, he sounds like an obnoxious fellow, so I won't keep you here any longer. Good luck, and please don't die."

"I… will do my best."

* * *

 **Okay, Jason, I have four things for you today.**

 **First, wouldn't you believe I'm writing for Hanburger again? The next chapter I post may very well be Chapter 5, the chapter that started by focusing solely on Shovel and Shield, then included Tinker, Plague, Mona, and actual days, because I realized the weekend had to exist somewhere. It is... a mess still. But I am trying, and it's nearly 4,000 words long.**

 **Second, I've been in a drawing mood lately. Kinda wanna do something for Hanburger. Ideas?**

 **Third, then who the fuck are you talking about? I'll tell you who I'm talking about if you tell me who you're talking about. Come on, man, sate my curiosity. It never recovered from the last incident.  
Uh, I assume you can. Like, I like the stories of this one guy that ticked me the fuck off (he is either a psychopath, or a sociopath). Okay... maybe not, I don't know why I'm still reading his works, it's a downward spiral, I argue both in quality and in the main character's sanity. Er, anyway, I assume the same goes for art.  
Haha, wouldn't you believe Lkc and I got into a conversation about that sort of thing. Like, there's a plot, clearly, and you can find the backstory somewhere, but the present day stuff doesn't have a timeline, so you just have a bunch of unconnected things here and/or there that don't make sense in relation to each other, and the artist probably wouldn't be able to explain either.  
Ah, sure, why not?**

 **And finally, fourth. Oh boy, fourth. So, I was talking to Lkc yesterday, and they made a request, because I seem to be the closest person to you this side of FF. They apparently get asks from you that detail your personal life, which are not published for privacy and all. And I get it, in a way, you seem like as much of a rambler about your life as I am of mine (Persona 4 nearly had an English musical and the songs were fucking amazing and I love listening to them!). But you seem to be... oh, what the word? Unnerving them, I guess? Specifically, they requested when I asked '** Just tell him not to creep me out. **' Specifically specifically, don't ask 'am I bothering you?' That is more of a bother than anything else. Like, if you end up being a bother, replies will just stop or you'll be told to back the fuck off, let's be real here.  
I'm probably forgetting something else I meant to mention, but yeah. Please, tread a little more carefully around them, Lck is an easygoing guy, but has limits, and it seems you're starting to near those limits.**


	6. Fairy-in?

**Sorry to Pksmashbros, this has fuck all to do with the new game plus sidestory, more taking the route of the first couple chapters.**

 **So, they announced the amiibos for Plague, King, and Specter, and I just about squealed with glee. You know that feeling? So as soon as they release, I'm going to get them and a 3ds amiibo** **adapter. To celebrate, or something, I decided to write this, obviously taking place at various points in time.**

* * *

Fairies

"Hey, Plaguey, have you seen-"

Mona stopped mid-sentence, staring, transfixed, at something far more interesting than whatever she had been trying to ask about.

"That's… that is a tiny you with wings."

Plague Knight pat at the top of his head, where the fairy him was resting. "Yep, got that one right. He's kinda cute, isn't he?"

Mona approached, looking at the tiny him with wonder. "Where did he come from?" She picked it up and stared as it first squawked in confusion and then quietly accepted that this was going to happen. She hugged it close and a visible blush appeared on its mask. "I love him already."

"I've been beaten out by a tiny me," Plague Knight realized, slumping slightly in disbelief.

"That you have. He's mine now."

Plague Knight started digging through his pockets furiously. "Where's a knife?! I need to kill the bastard!"

Now Mona's hold on the fairy Plague Knight was protective, turning it away from the original. "Plaguey, no! Bad Plaguey! He hasn't actually beaten you out, gods!"

Plague Knight gave up his search and crossed his arms, pouting. "I still want him gone."

Mona's grip on the fairy loosened, and it flew away, sitting on the table and watching her comfort her boyfriend. "Plaguey, listen to me, he can't beat you out. He's not even human, and I don't really want to test how smart he is."

The fairy reacted by squawking indignantly.

"Yeah, fuck you too," Mona replied before looking back to the original. "Alright?"

"Yes, alright. Thank you."

Mona smiled and patted her boyfriend's head.

* * *

"Specter Knight, what is that?"

Said undead man glanced at his scythe, where a small bat-winged him sat. "I am still attempting to figure that out for myself, in all honesty."

The Enchantress drew closer to examine it. "Does it possess combat prowess?"

"I have not taken him out on a mission, although he seemed quite eager to accompany me to the Lich Yard. At the time, I merely wanted him gone, and did not allow it. Now that he has caught even your attention, however, I am thinking that it is worth looking into."

"When did it appear?"

"I was out looking for treasure when he suddenly popped up out of nowhere. Admittedly, I let him stay because he's kinda cute and was harmless to me, although he seems to hold a vendetta against dirt piles that hide treasure because he's too small to make a reasonable dent in them."

This was the first time that Specter Knight had ever seen the Enchantress flabbergasted. The expression drew a chuckle from him.

"If he cannot make a dent in a pile of dirt, he cannot possess combat prowess, so do what you want with him, as long as he does not hinder you. If I find you going soft I will hurt you and him."

"Fine, fine."

* * *

Lucky bastard.

Plague Knight glared daggers at the tiny him. It was resting in Mona's lap, and she would occasionally pat it on the head or rub its back in a sort of pseudo massage that it groaned happily in response to.

Yes, Plague Knight was jealous, what do you expect?

Mona glanced up and caught him staring at the small head barely visible see over the edge of the table.

"Plaguey, we've been over this."

Plague Knight huffed.

"You're the one who brought him home."

"Not intentionally. Some weird fairy lady went on about fairies and I ignored her and suddenly that bastard was following me around!"

Mona sighed. "Alright, listen to me. If I came back from a trip to the market and had a mini-me following me about, how would you react besides confusion?"

"I would probably think it was adorable."

"And would you let her sit on your lap if she wanted?"

Plague Knight shrunk in on himself somewhat. "Yes."

"Okay then." She dislodged the fairy on her lap and stood. "Let's go get a mini-me, then."

"What."

"Well, I suppose it isn't fair only I get a mini-you. So let's go find the fairy lady and make her make me a fairy version."

Mouth agape, Plague Knight muttered, "Uh, okay… That would not have been my first thought, but sure."

* * *

"What are you?!" King Knight yelled at the fairy.

Said creature fixed him with an unimpressed blank stare.

"Mini-imposter! Die!"

The fairy shrieked in surprise, barely avoiding getting a concussion from King Knight's scepter.

"Come back here!"

For the next hour, King Knight chased around his mini-self, desperately attempting to swat it out of the air.

Eventually, he wore himself out. "Ugh, fine, you can live, but get out of my sight!"

The fairy crossed its arms indignantly and refused.

"Goddammit!"

* * *

"No, you may not come!"

The tiny bat-Specter pouted, yes, pouted at him.

"You do realize that's making me want you to stay put more, right?"

The fairy seemingly grew annoyed at this and darted towards Dark Reize, only to be bat away without the possessed boy even glancing at his attacker.

Specter Knight's eyes widened. "Alright, sheesh, I'll take you with me if it means you stop trying to kill yourself!"

The fairy muttered something in an odd language. It sounded slightly confused. Still muttering, it shrugged and picked itself up off the ground, brushing away the dust before happily returning to the original's side.

Specter Knight sighed. "Alright, Reize, take me to the Lost City."

"You've already recruited Mole Knight," the boy informed him.

"I know, but I missed a red skull."

"Right…"

* * *

"A fairy you?" The woman asked slowly, seemingly confused by the request.

"Yeah, you made him one, and now he's jealous that I'm paying attention to it. So, I figured, get a tiny me that he can love and everything evens out."

The woman tilted her head to the side in slight confusion but shrugged and waved her wand, creating a tiny Mona in front of the real one.

"She's adorable!" Plague Knight squealed immediately.

"Yes." Mona grabbed the small her from the air and handed it off to him. "And now you have no reason to be jealous, dear."

Plague Knight took the fairy incarnation of his girlfriend carefully and stared at it while it hugged his beak. He fawned over it until it wiggled out of his grasp and made its way to the other him, which was floating somewhat off in the distance and seemed to be staring at the small Mona longingly.

Seeing the two float side by side revealed the fairy Mona to be smaller than the fairy Plague Knight, as though the woman had decided they needed to be at eye level with each other when standing on the ground, and figured the best way to accomplish this was to simply scale Mona until it happened, leaving the two terribly disproportionate. Neither seemed to notice, however.

Fairy Mona made some small noises that seemed to indicate talking, and the small Plague Knight returned in kind, happily chattering away. Mini-Mona seemed to giggle and proceeded to kiss the other fairy, causing it to go bright red and fall out of the air seemingly in a daze. Fairy Mona went wide-eyed and rushed to check on the other.

Plague Knight placed a hand over his heart with a small gasp. "They're in love!"

"Well, I mean, they are technically us."

Mona turned back to the fairy lady, about to thank her, and possibly berate her on the size issue, only to find her gone.

"Uh… what?"

Plague Knight tore his gaze away from the tiny couple and frowned. "Huh. Interesting. Uh, I mean, as long as we got the fairies, it's all good, right?"

Mona shrugged. "I guess."

They turned back to find their fairy selves had taken to making out on the ground in the short time they weren't looking.

"Hey, no fair!" Plague Knight yelled indignantly. "We haven't even done that!"

The fairy him turned away from its girlfriend for a moment to somehow stick its tongue out at the original before returning to what it was previously doing, much to his shock.

"Excuse you!"

Mona approached the fairies and crouched, gazing at them with interest. "They're kinda cute like this, actually."

Plague Knight smiled. "I suppose. Still, that progressed much too quickly."

"Do away with one jealousy and make another, I suppose," Mona muttered before scooping the two up. Either they didn't notice or they didn't care as long as she didn't attempt to separate them. "Alright, let's go."

"Those two are always going to be in their own little world, aren't they?"

"I'm guessing so."

"Goddammit."

* * *

 **Jason dear~**

 **Only semi-chibi?  
Yeah, aren't you the smart one? Because I never use it, I think everyone would notice if I suddenly changed my username unfortunately. Also, I looked, and I failed to find a Jason Robinson. Despite this, I have still removed the review just to be safe. It is technically personal information, after all. Thusly, I mean, I suppose I'm gonna have to give you mine... oh boy. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you my gmail because I never use that and it's giving away a whole hell of a lot less personal info. Using that, you can find everything that you need, alright? If not, you can email me and it will only take a couple days for me to check that. Alright? Cool. It is... the most ridiculous sounding thing you will hear in a long while. removed-I'm sure you can figure out the rest, right? If not, I'm going to be slightly confused and question if you understand how gmail works.**

 **As soon as you confirm that you have obtained in the information, I will be removing it because I'm a paranoid child, and even Lkc does not know my last name, and he's my best internet friend.**


	7. The Fake Hedgeh-Uh Knight

**You know, I didn't actually expect anyone to request anything. Thank you, my dear guest. I don't know if this is exactly what you wanted, but I may end up continuing this as another mini-series alongside the NG+ nonsense, so you'll get to see more. One way or another, I hope that I kinda got it right in that it seems to cause some frustration with people, and I kinda wanted to put that into the characters.**

 **I wanted to call him Mimic on account that there's a tumblr uses who took the amiibo knight and basically made them into their own character, calling them 'Mimic,' and they were essentially something Plague Knight created in his lab, so it had all the properties of a slime. So basically the copy enemies in the Exploditarium. Still unsure of all the details on the original version of the character, but I kinda liked it, but ended up naming him something else so I can't ever be accused of simply taking the name for my own.**

* * *

"Who are you, what are you doing here, how do you look like me, and why are you able to exist?"

"Okay, man, that last one's harsh!"

Shovel Knight stared down the man that was dressed in armor much like his, only the color of grass rather than the sky.

The man had appeared and insisted he join the shovel warrior on his quest, leading to the questioning.

Shovel Knight crossed his arms. "I don't care if it's harsh! I will put up with all kinds of crap the gods send my way, but I refuse to be given a new partner! So good day with you!"

The warrior turned and walked away, only to suddenly bump into imposter a couple feet later.

Shovel Knight growled. "Did I not make my message clear?"

The other man threw his hands in the air. "I didn't do anything!"

"Sure…"

"No, really, I think I just teleported!"

"Ha! Teleportation magic does not work like that! I've asked. You cannot move a person from one place to another if you are not with them and you cannot just 'accidently' teleport somewhere."

The green man cocked his head to the side, clearly confused. "Why did you ask that?"

"Because I was hoping to reverse-summon the Enchantress and beat the stuffing out of her before she could gather her bearings."

"Honestly, I mean, if that were possible, it would have happened a long time ago…"

"Well, you got me there. Anyway, we're straying off topic, and I need to get going. I will get my partner back soon. Good day, sir."

Shovel Knight again attempted to leave, only to suddenly bump into the man a couple feet later.

Any and all kindness towards the man had all but scattered in the wind by this point. "Alright, I'm getting real fed up with you now."

"I'm not doing anything!" The man insisted. "Here! Let's test it, walk away from me while staring at me! Maybe then you'll believe me!"

Shovel Knight huffed but humored the man, walking backwards, staring intently until he just suddenly wasn't there.

Startling, the blue knight whipped around and found that his imposter was standing in front of him.

"Alright, fine, I believe you."

"Finally."

"You'd better not get in my way!"

"Of course, of course! Hey, maybe I'll be able to help you; I know my way around a battlefield."

Shovel Knight huffed, unimpressed by the declaration.

The man stomped his foot angrily. "Well now, I'll show you! Come on!" With that, he turned and stormed off, with Shovel Knight begrudgingly following soon enough.

Soon enough, the two were walking through the Plains, Shovel Knight staring at his new forced companion in shock as he displayed proficient use of relics that the blue knight swore were still in his pocket, relics that he had never seen before, a shovel, and, most concerning, bombs.

"You know, you should have told me you were an alchemist," Shovel Knight muttered in a soft voice, trying to contain his annoyance.

The other man seemed confused for a moment before realized what he was being accused of. "I'm not. Bombs are just something I use like my shovel."

"You mean to tell me you're mimicking both me and Plague Knight! What, do you have a scythe tucked away in that pouch of yours as well? How about a scepter? A rapier?"

"Nah, man, I only have so much time on this earth; I can't master all of those. Although a scythe does sound neat."

"A scythe like Specter Knight's is wholly impractical, you idiot. Have you not noticed how his blade is on the inside? That's not a war scythe."

The other man hummed in thought. "I suppose you're right. But he sure gets things done anyway."

"Can't argue with that one… Ugh, so you aren't an alchemist?"

"Nope!"

"You do not associate yourself with Plague Knight or any of his companions."

"Something tells me he has no traditional companions, but yes."

"Are you implying he has that hard a time making friends?"

"Yes."

Shovel Knight shrugged. "Well, I guess, he is a little too funky for most people."

* * *

(Elsewhere)

Plague Knight frowned. "I get the distinct feeling someone is talking ill about me. And not in the usual way."

Mona glanced up at him in confusion. "In what way then?"

"Like I've got no friends."

"You've got a partner and a bunch of co-workers, so, I mean, technically not?"

"Are you saying you're not my friend?"

To his concern, Mona did not reply, her face going slightly pink.

"Mona?"

* * *

"So, I've proven my mettle, have I not? Onward to adventure?"

Shovel Knight sighed. "Onward to- Wait a second!"

The man cocked his head to the side, silently questioning the outburst.

"What do I call you?!"

The man shrugged uncaringly. "Call me what you want."

"Fine then, Shit-face, let's go kill an enchantress."

"Okay, I revoke that…"

Shovel Knight laughed. "Well, you're the one who said…"

"I meant something less offensive."

"Offensive is objective," Shovel Knight sang.

The man seemed to roll his eyes. "Oh, fuck off."

"No."

There seemed to be a second roll of the eyes. "Whatever. Call me Imposter Knight, then."

"Imposter is too long to rattle off."

"And yet you don't say a word on Treasure or Propeller."

"I had no say in their names. Let's go for Phony Knight."

"I like Copy Knight better."

"Thief Knight."

"Mimic Knight!"

"Imi Knight."

"What?"

"Short for imitation."

"No."

"Fine, Bandit?"

"Now you're making me sound evil!"

"False?"

"I take offense to that!"

"Oh, I know, Replica!"

"I think we're straying too far from the original idea. I use other people's weapons. That's what we were originally naming me for, right?"

"Right… So we have Imposter, Imi, Phony, Copy, Mimic… uh… Well, I mean, Thief technically counts…"

The green knight thought for a moment. "I actually kinda like Imi, and also Mimic."

"Well, Imi was my counter to Mimic, so I think we need to name you Imi Knight!"

"Okay, now that I'm hearing Imi Knight again, I'm less impressed. I… kinda sound like a little girl."

"So… not threatening."

"No one understands what I do."

"You do realize that's an advantage, right?"

The man fell into a thoughtful silence for a moment. "Alright. Imita Knight it is."

"What do you mean Imita? I thought it was Imi?"

"Imita sounds more badass."

Shovel Knight rolled his eyes. "Oh, whatever. Come on, we need to go and shiv a bitch, right?"

"Wow, why do you sound like you're trying desperately to be a gangster?"

"Because it's fun, now shut up and let's go!"

The newly named Imita Knight groaned, likely regretting meeting the blue original, and followed his new companion as he strolled away.

* * *

 **Jason: Are you seriously telling me you don't have an account for Youtube? What do you do with your life? Uh, have you ever thought of a link to your homepage/timeline/whatever the fuck that is. Again, I'll take it down so no one can go and harass you or anything else. I think you can do that, anyway.**

 **Yeah, it is very dumb, but you generally don't go around talking to people across the globe, generally it's confined to people you know and have already met face to face.**

 **Uh, three-fourths chibi?**

 **I don't know if that comment was sarcastic. That was a while ago, and I'm too lazy to look back at that message to see. Assume what you want, I'm a heavily sarcastic bitch of a person, so you might need to assume the worst and know I meant no real offense (I call my best school friend a bitch all the time, and overall call her out on stupid things she does, so whatever I can do to you is nothing, man.)**

 **I don't know what I want from KoC. I know that I'm disappointed it wasn't called the King of Paperwork. I don't know, though, I liked Yugioh, so maybe I'll find the card game fun? Unless it's like Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories and the game revolves around using them for attacks, at which point I will hurt someone because _I can't get past Atlantica!_**


	8. Freezing Your Tail Off

**Ha ha ha, I am _alive_ motherfuckers! Wouldn't seem like it since it's been 90 days since I posted the last chapter. I know because the file titled 'Imita' has 0 days left before deletion. Haha, oh boy.**

* * *

Frozen

You know, suddenly being a ghost wasn't all that bad. Specter Knight could do all sorts of stupid things now and not have to worry about the consequences. Like run into a snowy tundra with nothing but some thin metal armor and a tattered cloak and be perfectly fine as though there was nothing wrong with this picture.

Yes, for once, he didn't envy the living. Not being able to feel had its downfalls, but it was also highly beneficial, so who was he to complain?

Traversing Mole Knight's place of temporary residence, the Lost City, had proved rather boring without the worry of overheating. Granted, it still had a couple challenges to make it interesting, but something was lacking without that little factor.

This was no different.

If only he stopped slipping and falling on his face in the most embarrassing way physically possible so goddamn much, it wouldn't be any more difficult than walking in a straight line with a couple scythe swings in there for funsies.

* * *

Who.

Who the fuck.

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to go wandering into this wasteland in nothing but metal?!

Oh, wait, that was him.

Huh.

Well, this was as awkward as learning Plague Knight employed potions that turned his armor into a pile of rust when he had absolutely nothing else to defend him but almost frighteningly ratty linen underclothes.

To be fair, though, he really should have remembered how cold it was in his old friend's domain.

But still, his limbs were about to freeze right off, and that wasn't exactly ideal, so fuck the fact that he forgot, all that mattered was that he did.

There was a small cave. Yes, that'll work if he can get some dry wood.

As he approached, he realized there was already a fire going.

Growing suspicious, Shovel Knight approached slowly, shovel held tightly in a defensive position in case something were to attack.

What he found surprised him.

It was the Enchantress' head alchemist. His mask and robe had been cast aside for the moment to better allow his body to absorb the heat of the fire. His head whipped up upon hearing another life form approaching and scrambled to get ready for a fight.

"Calm down," Shovel Knight said before anything drastic could occur. "I am merely seeking momentary shelter. I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me."

Plague Knight stared for a moment, hand inches away from his bag full of deadly potions. "Why should I believe you?"

"Because I've realized metal generally doesn't mix well with biting cold and I might freeze to death if this keeps up."

"And you're not wearing anything underneath that?"

"Oh, I am, it's just seeping through anyway."

Seeing that although Plague Knight was not happy with his presence, he was not going to be outright attacked, Shovel Knight took a seat by the fire.

Plague Knight eyed him for a brief moment before moving to get dressed.

"Your clothes are still wet."

"I'm well aware. However, I have wasted enough time. I must move on."

"Are you on some sort of time limit?"

"Not… not really. It's just… if I stop, I fear I may not have the will to get going again." Immediately upon stating this, he had a look of regret on his face, as though it were some sort of closely guarded secret.

The alchemist left it at that, jumping out into the cold before Shovel Knight could say anything else on the matter.

* * *

"You know, I never liked you, wizard."

Plague Knight wanted to retort that he wasn't a wizard. Yes, he did make use of tricks and magic, but he did not use just that. He primarily relied upon science, alchemy. There was a difference.

However, the cold had sucked away most if not all of his will away. He just wanted to be through with this before the hypothermia set in and he no longer had anything.

"Sure, yes, I'm an ass," he breathed. "Can we just fight and get this over with?"

Polar Knight's frown got more severe. Somehow. "It's your funeral, wizard."

Plague Knight twitched. "I am not a fucking wizard, asshole!"

"Sure."

Something snapped and the alchemist jumped into the air, throwing as many bombs as possible at his foe. "Does this look like fucking magic?!"

Polar Knight bat the bombs away from him with his shovel and did not respond. With a powerful leap, he managed to get to the alchemist.

Startled, Plague Knight threw a smoke bomb in his foe's face, hoping that it would allow him to get away in time. He did not have such luck, though, and he got a shovel to the mask anyway.

He flew right into a wall, but for once the numbness that had taken over his body helped, and he couldn't feel any pain that should have come from this. Regardless, he realized that he was not going to be able to get out of bed for a couple days after this. He peeled himself from the indent he had left in the wall, deep enough that he had to make an effort to get away from it, and landed in a crumpled heap.

He heard Polar Knight trudge up to him, and felt a weight placed upon his head, digging it deeper into the snow.

"You know, alchemist, I-we-merely tolerated you because of the Enchantress' orders. However, I do not think she will mind all that much if I crush your skull for your disobedience."

Ah, so the weight was his foot.

"Besides, it's not like it matters that much if that woman you speak so highly of is really that good."

Plague Knight knew what that would bring if it were to happen, and it scared him. His currently missing partner would be tracked down, no doubt dragged unwillingly to the Tower of Fate, probably have his cold and headless body thrown in her face, maybe even literally, and finally, be forced to take his place. Because of her association with him, her gender and the unfortunate color of her skin, she would be torn apart. Maybe Tinker Knight and Mole Knight (and if he was lucky, Specter Knight) would be kind enough to disregard her, but Propeller Knight would never cease being a bother, Treasure Knight would probably try to rob her in one way or another, and King Knight would just undoubtedly be a sexist asshole.

She would be able to put up a fight at first, after getting over the shock of his death, of course, but he feared that it would not stop and she would eventually break down.

And that wasn't even taking into account that she would basically be forced to go public to take over, and her room by the bar would be searched, so she would lose the Potionarium, and everyone would be too distraught to properly defend the Explodatorium.

Not to say he didn't have any faith in her, but he feared for her life in such a scenario.

He reacted quite violently to this, jerking and trying to get out from under the larger man's foot, only for the crushing weight to get worse.

"Not her," he breathed, tears forming in his eyes and freezing before they could even stain his cheeks. "Not her, please."

Polar Knight didn't move for a while, probably deliberating on what to do. "Under normal circumstances, I would let you go." Panic struck Plague Knight at this. "However, I have been told I hold a sort of wisdom that the rest of you lack, and that wisdom tells me you are going to die regardless of my actions, so I should not do something that would put me in a bad spot with the Enchantress."

"Polar Knight!" A muddled but familiar voice called out. "Cease this nonsense!"

Polar Knight turned to look at the newcomer. Plague Knight vaguely wanted to, but was afraid this warrior hadn't seen his beak, and thought he was a fellow adventurer hoping to eliminate the Order, so he refrained.

The foot removed itself from his head, and he scrambled to get up. Fuck the essence. He needed to get away, both because the large man was going to kill him and because he could no longer feel anything. As he feared, there was the hypothermia.

Either the newcomer was a quick fighter, or he was struggling to get away for longer than he thought, because soon there was someone at his side, pressing something warm, almost unbearably so to his chest. He turned to look at the person, finding it to be Shovel Knight. In his hands, he held the Flare Wand that the alchemist remembered finding and trading in Pridemoor Keep.

"What… are you… doing, exactly?"

Shovel Knight cast the other man a confused look as he moved the wand downward to his stomach. "You think I'm going to just let you die?"

"It… would be the logical thing to do."

Another move, this time to give a quick sweep over an arm. "Why? You are still a human, are you not?"

"I'm an alchemist. You know, someone illegal just by existing?"

The other arm was given similar treatment. "You mean to tell me you deserve to die."

At this, Plague Knight hesitated. It took him a moment to respond, enough time for Shovel Knight to try and keep his legs from getting frostbite. "For all intents and purposes, I suppose so."

Shovel Knight hummed as he momentarily put the wand away before moving to support Plague Knight so they could get out of the frozen wasteland. Once they were on the move, he pulled out the wand and resumed heating the reckless man, rubbing circles on his chest to avoid overheating anything. "But there is someone you care about, correct? A woman you 'speak highly of'?"

Plague Knight stiffened at this; unaware that he had heard that little exchange. "I… I-I… she-"

"You don't have to say anything. I have a woman I care about as well. I saw you struggle when he mentioned her. So if you care about her so much, you cannot possibly be beyond redemption. If I may ask, who is this woman? Don't worry, I don't expect a last name, so I cannot possible turn her in."

Plague Knight swallowed nervously. "Uh…" he couldn't possibly do that to her. No way. No how. "If you must refer to her by a name, let it be… Mono."

Idiot. Too close, he was going to slip up.

"Mono? I assume that's not her actual name." At the shake of the head, the subject was allowed to drop. "Is this Mono nice to you?"

Plague Knight didn't like this intrusion on his life. But maybe talking about it would help ease his pain. With a sigh, he allowed himself to speak on the matter. "Yes. She… she's the nicest person that I've ever encountered. Smart, too."

With a frown, he realized that talking didn't help. In fact, it just reminded him of the sting of her leaving.

He turned his gaze downward, noting that the snow was less here. They were almost out. "Can we… not talk about her?"

"Did you have a falling out?"

Somehow, this idiot was too smart. "I suppose you could call it that."

"You do speak highly of her. As long as she is aware of this devotion you seem to have, she will return."

Plague Knight lifted his gaze. "I would hope so."

Shovel Knight smiled, or, at least, Plague Knight assumed from the quick glance at him and the small tilt of the head. "I'm sure it'll work out for you. Don't worry."

The two feel into silence until they were closer to the Clockwork Tower than the Sunken Ship. At this point, Shovel Knight dropped the other man on the ground.

"I suggest to you that you give up on whatever you're attempting. Find that woman you like so much and reconcile with her before the Enchantress decides she can hold her over your head."

Terror struck Plague Knight at this, and he scrambled to get up, somewhat clumsily at that given his near hypothermia from earlier. He hadn't even considered that. The Enchantress knew he cared a lot about her, and probably knew that he was hurt by her leaving, so using her against him seemed downright logical.

"Fuck the Ultimate Potion; I need to find my Mon… M-Mono. Uh, thank you for saving me, if we ever meet again, I will owe you one."

Plague Knight stomped away, failing to notice the slightly amused look on Shovel Knight's face as he did so.

* * *

 **You know, I've always been annoyed that apparently being a wizard and an alchemist are the same thing in this universe apparently? Like, when Plague's body swap was announced, I couldn't help but get annoyed because why did she have a witch hat and is suddenly being associated with witches if magic is good, but alchemy is bad, and Plague uses alchemy and *unintelligent sputtering noises*** _ **what the fuck?!** _**So, my headcanon is just that they are separate and Plague doesn't like being called a dirty magic user (not that he's dissing the Magicist, it just isn't his area of study)**

 **Also, now I kinda want to write an AU where Plague Knight does die and Mona has to take over, but I fear that will get way _way_ too dark.**

 **Anyway, Jason, yeah, no, about that link problem you were having earlier... I'm sorry, I never even tried to find you after that, geez, what a good guy I am, right? Uh, so the thing about links and FF is that apparently they were having a spam problem or something, so any links going outside the site are removed. You have to put spaces at random intervals to get them to work. It's not ideal, but... yeah. Try again with spaces, okay?**

 **Uh, you also asked me a question, said you asked it on Lck's tumblr and you wanted to know my response. Which question, though? It's been too long. The big ornate coffin one (that's a funny idea)? Or the Mr. Hat being German (which I wouldn't know anything about)? Or Hellsing Ultimate Abridged (which I know jack shit about, because that's how things go.)**

 **Also, haven't finished revamping Hanburger, but I'll be posting C6 anyway because I feel guilty about how long I haven't done anything on this site**


	9. Armors, robes, and cloaks

**FF was being a bit of a bitch and giving me an Error 1 when I tried to upload this onto the site. I proceeded to show it up by creating a mostly blank document with the app and using my handy copy & paste functions.**

 **Anyway, I realized that inspiration for another story was staring me in the face with the unfinished story titled 'Prancing,' which makes fun of Plague Knight's golden prance (duh). Fun fact, I made that long before Cheats was even a vague concept. Man, I need to go through my old stories and see what else I can gleam.**

 **Writing for the the Armor of Chaos and Toad Armor was not fun... I kinda wonder if I should have just not done them... Too late now.**

 **My early writing order went the Crimson Cloak, Donovan, the Conjure's Coat, and then the Chemical Coated Cloak, I'm pretty sure. I really like how the first two and the last one came out the best, besides the very ending of Pandemonium Cloak. That was... shockingly depressing! Usually I don't let that out. I don't know why, but I headcanon Plague Knight was really deeply affected by Mona running off, and one of these fucking days I will finish a story in which he gives up on the Ultimate Potion because your love basically just rejected you and you're still running around like you're perfectly fine?!**

* * *

Blue. Why did he choose blue?

It had been so long that he couldn't answer that question anymore.

Most people wouldn't be caught dead running around in armor a blue brighter than the sky. And yet, when offered other armors in the same style, with benefits to boot, Shovel Knight looked down at his stalwart plates and kindly refused. Occasionally, he would try out the different armors, but the precious blue would be missed and eventually returned to.

Shield Knight had once joked about how they should change the color. Make it a green so that it would be complementary to her red. He hadn't been aware she knew anything about color theory.

His reaction was rather violent, and she ended up having to apologize at shovel point. After that, she didn't dare to mention changing his color.

While it would be useful to make use of another set of armor, Shovel Knight found himself equipping his old plates when the day came to fight the Enchantress. He rationalized it by claiming to himself that he would hate to be taunted by his long time partner over the change in color.

* * *

Red. It was such a striking color. It reminded him of Mole Knight, Specter Knight, lava, fire, blood, rage, pain…

That wasn't to say it was a bad color. It also called to mind Shield Knight, warmth, love…

He understood why Shield Knight liked it so. It was not bad, no. It was a provoking color, though, calling for a fight that she would love to engage in.

Wearing this final guard designed to stop those who wish to steal his money made him wonder again about the fate of his partner, and without warning, he returned the armor in favor of literally anything else.

* * *

At one point, Shovel Knight had thought magic to be rather useless. He was a man of getting up close and personal with his enemies.

And yet, he found himself purchasing the armor that had a name suggesting it was a coat, of which was not most certainly not a coat but was about as good at protecting him as one. Although he was sure the purple would look very good as a coat if he wore it correctly with his precious blue armor.

He only realized that it had its drawbacks after getting into a fight with Mole Knight. The large man was very much immune to fire, and the Chaos Orb was far too much like the goop around the Lost City to be effective. He was too well armored for anything physical to work, and the lower defense this coat for conjurers provided meant he couldn't exist for very long before he was killed.

What a mess.

* * *

The most useful of all of the armors available to Shovel Knight had to be the one designed with him and Black Knight in mind. The silver coloring was a tad bland, honestly, and could potentially blind you in the right setting, and Black Knight would have no doubt rejected it outright from that alone, but the utility made it worth it in the end.

The boost of power proved helpful, until he accidently nearly killed a child. At that point, he realized it was a danger, and found himself leaving it in storage more often than not in favor of that good old blue that he couldn't dare to keep stored for long.

Shield Knight, upon her rescue, liked that disastrous mail for dynamos. Maybe it was just because of the color, he wasn't quite sure. She convinced him to wear it now and again, vowing to keep him from hurting anyone should he gain that temporary power boost near civilians. What luck he had.

* * *

Shovel Knight had long since lost his fondness for ice. Once, when Polar Knight could be confidently called a 'friend,' he tried ice skating. He had unfortunately fallen flat on his face, but that wasn't to say he had started to dislike it there. No, his distaste for it came years later, during a particularly bad winter, when he couldn't stop falling flat on his face to the point he was worried he would have to have his nose surgically put back into the correct place.

The moment he tried out the dark grey mail, he liked it. He felt solidly grounded, and while he liked being in the sky from a bounce on his shovel, he also liked the earth a great deal as well.

Imagine his surprise when his armor turned out to be a mail of momentum, and he could not stop sliding about as though on ice to save his life. Literally.

* * *

Perhaps Shovel Knight was a tad greedy. After all, he did buy armor made of gold. It kinda made him feel like a pretty princess, in a way, so that was a plus.

…If pretty princesses were manly men, of course.

Of which they probably weren't, but that was beside the point.

The real point was that Shovel Knight liked those sparkling ornate plates posing as armor. It simply filled him with confidence, and that placebo effect made him a cat, allowing him to flip about the place and land on his feet no matter the fall.

It scared him a little, honestly. He had all this potential, just locked away by what? A lack of confidence? He wasn't lacking in that, so then… it was just his feeble mind proclaiming such feats were impossible.

As it turns out, he could safely tell the impossible to go screw itself, because he was a cat.

* * *

The strange man that attacked him unprovoked was certainly dangerous, but he was just as certainly a worthy opponent.

One day, wielding the armor made from that ancient shovel he been had gifted, and the technique that it granted, Shovel Knight would like to challenge the strange man again.

Until that day, the 'Ghost of Shovels' would make use of his gift, and no doubt repeatedly drop into a pit, because that armor was chaos. Well, no one could claim that its name was not telling, at the very least.

* * *

Up until now, Shovel Knight didn't realize the true meaning of up close and personal. As it turns out, he wasn't anywhere near that.

No, apparently up close and personal involved headbutting his enemies at top speed as though he was a ram.

Or, as it turns out, a toad. Although, what toad seriously rammed their enemies headfirst? Rather brain dead mutant ones, probably.

Why said mutant toads had toad-like armor lying around that fit him perfectly when he was rather tiny by everyone's standards except maybe Plague Knight and Tinker Knight was also a bit of a strange thing he probably shouldn't question.

* * *

It was a weird feeling. What was it called? Sentimentality. Yes, that's what it was.

His old, worn out chemical coated cloak (or was it a robe? Probably)… It was sticky alongside his skin and mask now. That damnable fish must be determined to ruin his life.

Plague Knight remembered when he received the robe. It had been his first present. He had been bemoaning the existence of birthdays when it had been dumped on his head alongside an explanation that he should be happy he'd made it as long as he had with the world out to get them.

He had to ask what the fabric was supposed to be. Even now, he could recall her embarrassed huff. The robe had needed some tweaking, but once that was done, he found it to be quite comfortable.

Now he wore it so often it was about to fall apart at the seams. Mona kept making him new ones, with better construction than the relative rags that he wore around now. She was never _good_ at sewing, but she had definitely gotten better. He would wear the new robe for precisely a day, but he always felt some sort of weird feeling of wrongness. The next day, he would walk out of his room in the dirty robe held together by sheer faith, and she would comment on how she needed to burn them in the middle of the night. He would protest endlessly, and she would eventually give up when he threatened to cry over it, but he wouldn't sleep that night, sitting on his bed in those beloved robes, staring at the door, just in case. Every time, she would grumble the next day about his bloodshot eyes and dark bags; how he seriously thought that she would get rid of something he held closer to his heart than his own partner.

He didn't want to believe it, but when he realized his own reaction to the fish's alterations, he started to wonder about how healthy his attachment was.

* * *

Why was treasure so precious to people? It was an oddly profound thought to be brought about by being covered in gunk.

But the first time treasure started trapping against his body, Plague Knight couldn't help but ask why. What had driven him to request more money? As a mortal, soon enough he would be dead and gone and none of it will have mattered. It was unlikely he would ever desire to have kids, so it's not like he would ever have to worry about anyone's future unless he were to die early and leave his partner all alone.

Perhaps that was it. He was trying to make sure that Mona was safe.

He was still washing this shit off first thing upon getting home.

* * *

When Plague Knight went back to experiment with those changes the fish could make to his robes (this time not wearing his most precious clothing that took weeks to clean last time), he was most certainly not anticipating literal goo garments. He was left dripping in more slime than he thought imaginable, and when he started to burst about the place trying to get most of it to fly off so he would be just the least bit presentable to his crush, he ended up bouncing off the trees and landing painfully on his face.

Despite all of this running around, by the time that he entered the Potionarium, he was still leaving a trail of goop behind him.

Mona seemed to be amused, though, so he supposed that was a plus. Until he had to wash the robe, of course.

* * *

Plague Knight's choice of clothing was becoming very odd indeed. He had a standard old robe, one that attracted dangerous metal, one that was always dripping goo no matter what, and now… one that made him fall flat on his face a lot. One day, someone was going to look at his wardrobe and wonder what he was thinking.

He was going to strangle that damn fish.

He thought maybe if he just pulled off his shoes, he would stop sliding, but that only hurt his feet from friction. Eventually, frustration led him to throw off most of his clothing, only realizing a moment later that he was standing in his underwear in front of his female partner, who was kindly keeping her eyes to the side, advising he at least wear the pants.

Yep, that fish was definitely dead.

* * *

Plague Knight did not quite realize the effect the golden colored spit had on his being. He had stuck his tongue out in disgust, hoping it was worth the price tag. Really, it wasn't.

Until Mona started laughing at him. He was glad he could at least make her day, but when she nearly fell over, tears in her eyes, and pointed out that he was skipping everywhere and leaving sparkles in his wake, he became understandably distressed.

He wanted to viciously scrub the substance off of his robe, but as he went to do so, he found himself hesitating, and ultimately he kept the disgusting golden color on the garment to break out the next time that his partner was having a bad day.

* * *

Something about the cloak of pandemonium was oddly fitting. Not realizing that the special chalice (somehow) make of special coins would cause that fish to spit on him again, he wore his regular robe.

Now, his favorite robe was forever tainted, an absolute force to be reckoned with… if only his outfit was in the mood.

And, honestly, this helped him to come to grips with what he felt upon receiving it. He was jumping at random from wanting to destroy the world that dared to stomp on his heart and wanting nothing more than to curl up and let himself become as useless as some of the bomb combinations he was given. He didn't really understand what sort of state he was in until he attacked a boar that charged him and watched the robe's effects.

Something broke in him at that moment, and later he wondered if she would be proud of him for finally burning his old rags.

* * *

It was hard, to let go of the past. Even when one of the only remnants was dyed red from your blood because you were a fool and killed your best friend.

Specter Knight desperately wanted to get rid of his tattered crimson cloak, but in the end, he couldn't. Just as the heart shaped locket he could always be found staring at reminded him of all of the good parts of him, the cloak consistently fluttering in his peripheral vision reminded him of the bad, that one day, he would have to find the spirit of his friend and try to set things right.

He doubted he would be able to find Luan. The poor man had been dead for some time. If he remained on this plane of existence, he was surely far away. Any ghost Specter Knight talked to in order to try and determine the fate of his friend revealed that it took a long time for the newly dead to find themselves. They could spend weeks, months, even years wandering around aimlessly if there was nothing to ground them, the only thing keeping them from moving on to meet the gods being a vague nagging feeling that something was wrong. Sometimes, the dead would never encounter a trigger to remind them of why they continued to exist, and they would grow frustrated and attack anyone nearby.

And so, Specter Knight refused to give up his cloak. Oh, he would trade it occasionally for something different if he thought it would make his life easier, but he always returned to wearing his bloodstained, otherwise worthless cloak. Eventually, he always would.

* * *

Specter Knight didn't know the meaning of mercy. Hell, it was in the name of the order that he had to create.

So it was especially weird that the strange creature made up of many gifted him for such a low price a cloak that had mercy engrained into its very being.

Actually, it was beyond weird. It was downright ironic. Still, that strange cloak of clemency was quite useful when he was getting frustrated from a particularly annoying bed of spikes.

He was quite glad he did not have to join the order that showed no quarter. Maybe one of these days he would try this whole mercy concept out.

* * *

Kids… were weird. Specter Knight, back when he was human, remembered watching children race about on boards with small wheels. Given the often uneven land, this made it quite the extreme 'sport' only for those willing to walk away with several cuts and bruises no matter how good you got at it. Most people practiced snowboarding first for the softer landing and easier terrain to work with.

Something about the strange rails that he found in the Enchantress' tower reminded him of this pastime, and without thinking, he was taking a running leap at the rails, falling off more than a couple times trying to learn to balance on the very thin scythe he somehow decided was a good board. It was a good thing that acolyte could make sure he wouldn't die in the process until he got the Hover Curio.

So when that cloak seller offered him a chance at a mail that let him slide as though on a rail, who was he to pass the opportunity up?

* * *

Specter Knight never believed that he was not powerful. However, this new cloak and armor set he now possessed showed him he still had a ways to go before he was truly at his best. This power couldn't come solely from armor, right?

Well, he supposed that maybe it could be true that he wasn't making use of his full potential. After all, he did die. But he desperately wanted to believe that he was already fighting at his full potential, and that he seriously needed a magical enhancement to make him stronger. As such, he had mixed feelings on the shawl for strikers. Because on one hand, he liked the powerful strike he could unleash with it, but on the other, it possibly implied he didn't know how to fully utilize his full strength.

That particular garment was not kept for very long…

* * *

Gods, brown was a hideous color on him. At least it was nearly a red brown rather than a brown brown, because yikes, what a nightmare that would be. A nightmare for a knight. A knightmare.

Oh gods, he must be the most tired person in existence right about now. That joke had probably been done to death already anyway. Ha, death.

…He needed to get a grip. Then again, his whole life was a bit of a joke by now.

Was he about to have a crisis over a cloak? Maybe that was the real risk of this raiment, screw the more feeble body.

He probably wasn't going to keep wearing this for long.

* * *

Apparently ice skating was fun. Of course, Specter Knight would never admit to that…

And yet, people liked to point out that he could be found just running and jumping around in the tower, wearing a beautifully pure white cloak, moving as though on skates.

Never would he dare to take the snow colored cloak outside the safety of the tower. There was no way to really wash it if it got dirty.

This cloak was somehow more ironic in nature than the one of mercy. It was strange,the way the ghostly garb made him feel so much more alive than even his regular blood soaked one, simply through making movement fun.

This movement… it was the one thing he would hate to lose upon being free of the Enchantress' grip.

* * *

Specter Knight wasn't sure how to deal with being 'Donovan' again. The red skulled skeleton had gifted him an armor set with a striking blue cloak, just like the one he had before he died. He claimed he found it just lying there, alongside a sword and the caltrops that the fool of a man had called useless.

But Specter Knight knew the truth. He had been crushed under a hundred chucks of rubble. The armor was not dented, though, the sword in perfect condition without a drop of his friend's blood on it, and the cloak not ripped; not a single sign of the catastrophe that happened to him.

The cloak he wore around him smelled of a home long gone, but that was impossible. The bloodstained garment he had been wearing when he was revived had also faintly carried the smell for a time.

But, then again, he was revived holding onto a scythe, of which the sword he now held onto told him that was not his original weapon of choice.

Contradictions were not fun.

This 'Red' undead, he was an interesting one. So willing to give the potentially unstable dead man weapons. Perhaps providing him with items that mimicked his past was the strange man's way of trying to help remind him of what he was hoping to accomplish.

Maybe that's just what he needed, but he was no longer Donovan. He was Specter Knight now, until he could find the missing spirit of his companion.

The armor was removed and carefully placed inside of a chest, alongside his locket.

One day, he promised, one day he would wear it again. Just not while he still possessed his regrets.

* * *

 **Jason: Sorry, man, it's been a long time. I really do need to find your Facebook, but I seriously can't. I've tried. Seriously, please try to give me the link again. Just remember spaces are a necessary.**  
 **Anyway, uh, I have a really bad problem in which I imagine anyone who isn't specifically stated in canon to not be white as white. So, I mean, Striker as Spanish is not a bad idea by any stretch of the imagination, and I can kinda see it? But I personally have a hard time imagining it by default. It doesn't help that the only Spanish people I know (In real life, at least; I don't know the ethnicity of everyone on the web) are, well, not to be racist, but... very annoying. So I have less than stellar experiences with Spanish people, and that has probably severely affected the outcome of the answer.**

 **Moving on before I come off as a prick, I think everyone who thinks of 'Mimic' thinks of the slimes, and I had to battle myself about whether to make him such in the story. Ultimately, I made him human because I didn't want to punch a pure far from actual canon headcanon in there, you know? (says that while making Plague Knight terribly depressed to the point you should worry about him, haha)**

 **...I, uh... I don't know what to say about Mr. Nintendo Revolutionary. I really don't, and there is probably a reason that I didn't respond to that in the first place.**

 **By the way, are you legitimately reading these stories anymore? I can't tell anymore you never mention them, and you didn't seem particular excited that one time when I started Hanburger back up.**


	10. Burst!

**So, this will likely be confusing if you haven't read another story. So, go read _Primum Opus_. It's over on Archive of our Own. It's honestly a great read, and I just latched onto the slime-boy so hard, holy shit. ****And so, with the author's permission, I am lovingly kidnapping him for use here. And just because this is basically a whole other universe, I tried ( _tried_ ) to keep Plaguey in character. But this kinda makes reference to the end of the story, so seriously, go read it. If you're into any of my works, you probably like Plague and Mona, and that story is them, so GO!**

 **Also, as a side note, I will probably kidnap him again. Because I love him. He is a precious.**

* * *

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Not in the slightest."

Mona looked back at her partner with a vaguely amused frown. He stared back with what she interpreted as a rather blank look of innocence. This was just bound for disaster.

"Okay, that does not reassure me in the slightest…" He snickered at her. "Just to confirm, you say it will kick my feet out from under me?"

The laughter ceased, and Plague Knight grew much more serious than she was used to. "Right, so either go with the flow and do a full flip or be prepared to counterbalance. Anything in the middle will probably end with a concussion. And I would prefer it if you didn't have a concussion."

Now there was an actual smile spreading across her lips.

"Oh, are you able to say that from experience?"

The more casual demeanor returned, and he giggled softly. "What do you think?"

The thought made her groan. She almost said 'That explains your relative brain damage,' but realized that was a little too harsh. Instead, she asked, "How often?"

"Well, concussion: once. Other failings: uh… it's probably in the dozens." He giggled again at the exasperated look on her face.

"You're lucky I don't mind the fact that you're utterly insane."

If there wasn't a true grin on his face before, there certainly was one now. "Yes, truly. Now then, are you going to launch yourself or we going to stand here talking all day?"

Mona nodded and called out, "Slimon!"

Her personal slime guard appeared almost immediately, making an unusual gurgling noise as if to ask 'Yes?' The sound confused her, and she glanced in his direction.

"Since when could you make that noise?"

Slimon did not seem particularly perturbed by this at all and shrugged.

Plague Knight glanced at him as well. "When did you upgrade his core again?"

"I… I didn't."

"Hm… could he be capable of evolving?"

"Or maybe he's just learning?"

"Hee! Or maybe the damage we did when we escaped with just his core actually made him smarter!"

Mona crossed her arms, remembering how their hasty escape from danger had caused such damage to the core of her favorite slime creature that she thought he was lost. She suppressed a reaction to the memory, and looked to ceiling as she thought. "I doubt it. You would imagine with all that he went through, he would have gotten stupider, not more human like to the point of being able to make a sort of pseudo-speech."

Slimon looked back and forth between the two alchemists while they shot ideas around trying to figure out what had caused the change, probably not comprehending what was so significant about his actions.

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you panicked and re-cored the first slime you saw."

Mona smiled sheepishly. She swore that was the only time she would ever get that worked up over something that wasn't technically alive.

He continued when she didn't manage a response fast enough. "Still, unless there was some sort of core residue left behind by the one that was there before, which I highly doubt, I'm not sure if that would make any sense. Perhaps there was some blood in it that he absorbed? But, then again, the core that previously inhabited the slime would have absorbed it just like he would."

Mona groaned and looked back at her slime-creature. "You are the weirdest thing I've ever had to interact with, and you're running against that oddball." She jabbed her thumb in the direction of Plague Knight, who laughed.

Slimon seemed to find this amusing, and made that noise again while bobbing with what the humans had long since determined was laughter. Something about the noise was starting to become endearing, but it was still far too off-putting.

Mona narrowed her eyes. She held out her hand, demanding, "Slimon, let me see your core. Now."

Slimon stopped his laughter and obeyed.

The core was slightly slimy, as to be expected considering the goop it had been residing in, but she could tell that it was still very much her core, nothing more, nothing less.

Scratching her head in confusion, she muttered, "Maybe he did learn."

Plague Knight looked over at the core. "I think he would need a… uh, hee, actual brain to do that."

"I don't know. How good are intestines for making up a Slimulacrum's brain?"

"While they certainly are vital, they aren't as good as a heart or a real brain. I do not believe he should be capable of such a feat."

"Right, well, something to look into later. For now… We're getting off track." Mona crouched, carefully placing the ball of gooey animal parts back in the puddle that Slimon had become.

When her slime reformed, she instructed him to go to the opposite end of the room.

"If I look like I'm going to hurt myself, catch me, alright?"

Slimon gave a little salute and stood at the ready.

Mona got prepared and looked down, muttering, "Let's see, stance: terrible, death: inevitable, information: forgotten. Let's go."

She could hear snickering behind her, but couldn't tell if that was a just a knee-jerk reaction or genuinely amusement at how she thought she was going to crack her skull open. Probably a little bit of both, actually.

Taking a deep breath, she launched herself into the air.

Now, Plague Knight was a tiny man. Legally, he was very likely a midget (not that he would ever allow anyone to make it official, though). That meant it didn't take a lot of power to launch him into the air at blinding speeds. Mona, on the other hand, was a giant normally, let alone in comparison to her partner.

Unfortunately, both of these odd heights made it difficult to test bomb bursting, because they couldn't make someone of similar stature do the tests for them while they worked out the majority of the kinks.

Still, Plague Knight didn't mind, clearly, because he had made the whole thing work perfectly for him before she even had met him. And while that did mean he had some calculations already, it did not mean that he knew how to adjust them quite as drastically as he needed to.

Mona wasn't even double her height off the ground and more than three feet away from her starting position before she was coming back down, all the while having been prepared for a more powerful force to throw her feet forward, leading to her overbalancing, doing half a front flip and coming back to the ground face first.

'Death inevitable indeed,' she thought, stretching out her hands and allowing them absorb the shock of the fall and letting her roll onto her back otherwise unharmed.

Both her companions were at her side immediately.

"More force is needed," she said before Plague Knight could make some asinine or redundant comment.

Plague Knight seemed to frown and whipped out his notebook, looking at the calculations.

Mona watched him lazily from the floor, not really in the mood to get up with the dull pain in her wrists from the landing.

Slimon gurgled at her, but she was quick to shush him.

Eventually, Plague Knight sighed. "Alright, should we just double everything?"

Mona gave a sort of half hearted shrug. "I don't see why not."

Plague Knight looked up from his notebook and nodded.

An hour later, they were fully prepared for the next test.

"Slimon, go over there, little bit farther… there. That should do it."

The green slime being stood at the ready again, gurgling at her.

"Alright… here we go."

Mona's feet again tried to kick out from under her as she activated the burst. The force involved was still too little, although when she overcorrected this time, she landed on her feet, albeit barely. She stumbled before she could fully get her footing.

Slimon moved fast enough to catch her, luckily, but she nearly suffocated when her face partly sunk into his goop. She was left struggling for a moment before Plague Knight's tiny little hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her free, sending them both tumbling to the ground painfully.

Mona coughed up the goop that had gotten in her mouth, cringing at the terrible taste it left behind.

"Slimon… thank you, but if that ever happens again, make sure I can breathe. Don't just sit there while I struggle."

Slimon didn't move for a second before seemingly to realize what exactly just occurred, jolting and rushing to help her to her feet, his helmet molding slightly to give a concerned air.

"Mona… uh, you're… you're on me and it's killing me."

Mona glanced down and realized that her partner was very much telling the truth. Surprised, she jumped up immediately, not waiting for her slime to pull her up, stumbling when a spike of pain ran up her leg.

Slimon was holding her protectively almost before she could fully register what had happened herself. Still, she didn't focus on this too much as long as her slime had her, instead looking down at her gently wheezing partner.

"Sorry, Plague Knight."

"It's fine," he breathed, sitting up, "I think. Hopefully your fat ass didn't crack a rib." He chuckled a little, although it was nervous, likely because it was only after it was out of his mouth that he realized he'd called her fat, and he was desperately trying to play it off. Before she could reply, he quickly asked, "Why's Slimon holding you like that?"

Mona glanced down at the leg that had caused the trouble. "Ah, think I twisted my ankle. It'll be fine."

Plague Knight stood, brushing the dust off his robes. "Uh, right, guess we're done with tests then for the day. Slimon, get her to the chair, yeah?"

Slimon wasted no time in following the order despite Mona saying she could get there on her own.

Once seated, she made herself comfortable, crossing her legs and leaning her elbow against the table. "We've got to put more force into that burst. I keep overcorrecting."

"That sounds like a personal issue."

Mona frowned and swatted at him while he laughed and jumped out of range.

* * *

 **WHAT THE BIMPS: I don't remember if that was a question posed to everyone or just Jason. Regardless, thank you! I have people who love me!**

 **Jason, uh... #1: Good enough.**

 **Okay, to tell you the truth, I was hardly even looking at the color schemes of each armor/cloak/robe. I got fed up switching back and forth and back and forth and oh geez. So I never even made the connections, man.**

 **Uh, is Meta Knight Spanish? He doesn't look like he should be. But maybe that's because the only voice I've heard for him is from SSBB and that was forever ago.**

 **#2: Where'd that come from? Someone annoying you about it?**

 **And I have no idea if I would. The problem with this is that then you would get a 500 word chapter that may or may not be half-hearted depending on how great his armor ends up being and how well I can get into his mindset, because if you look back at Shovel's section, it certainly has a lot less going on whereas I can really understand Plague's desire to see his partner happy and Specter's regret. Hell, I nearly didn't include him in Fairy-in because I don't know anything about his campaign or his real personality or the time period it takes place in. We'll have to see if I ever have the motivation.**

By the way, I'm totally re-writing Hanburger. Like, from the ground up, won't be recognizable, nothing. I may keep writing for the original (if nothing else, I will be leaving it up, because I love being able to say that I made an improvement since then) if I so feel like it, but I kinda just want to start it fresh. A) I need a name, because Not Quite Hanburger probably won't cut it. B) Because of the way that I want things to go down in this new version, I want to give the characters code names in the other world, (at the very least, I feel Mona would need one) so I'm wondering if I should give all real names, if nothing else so they can all fit in with my favorite green-skinned woman, or if I should give them actual different code names inside of the other world. Of course, I would provide a comprehensive list so that everyone would be able to know who the fuck was talking at any given moment, so hopefully disconnect wouldn't be an issue? I don't know. Thoughts?


	11. That One Creepy Picture

**Hey, I'm alive! Shockingly. This was sitting in my doc manager for about 50 days for... some reason.**

 **Anyway...**

 **I'm surprised I didn't come up with this one earlier, honestly. Although I'm kinda glad I didn't. Probably wouldn't have been as interesting otherwise.**

 **By the way, y'all know what bothers me? I go researching for something, and because of the way that these sites are laid out, they can't just tell you the symptoms of a particular potentially fatal whathaveyou, no, they have to also bang on about seek medical attention and that makes it really difficult to research for a setting in which you have to deal with that shit yourself, because there apparently is no such things as a home remedy for poisonous snake bites. Go figure, right?  
This actually occurs a lot in my writing, in case you've ever wondered why any of my work is horrible illogically. It's not because of lack of effort, I will fucking tell you now.**

* * *

Everything hurt. She could hardly breathe. She could only just barely think when there was a pounding in her skull demanding that she not.

What the hell happened?

Mona tried to force her eyes open, but didn't make it very far before she was blinded by light. She flinched and groaned, wanting to curl up on her side and cover her head with her blankets, but she couldn't. Her body refused to do anything.

"Go back to sleep. Everything fine."

The voice next to her ear startled her, and she found the strength to force her body to scramble away, right off the bed. Naturally, that was not the smartest move she could have made, because the impact with the floor made her body hurt even more. The sudden move also didn't help her lungs, which she quickly realized were rather irritated and sent her into a dry coughing fit.

"Mona!" The sound of feet pounding against the floor did absolutely nothing to help the aching in her head. Luckily, it didn't last for particularly long. A hand rested against her shoulder. When her coughs ceased, she heard the voice speak again, very softly. "Hey… You've been poisoned. It was mild, though. I think. Uh, you're fine now, but you're still recovering. Please rest."

Poisoned?

Something came to her, a brief memory; that she had been working with something quite toxic, what, exactly, she could not remember. She had accidently inhaled some fumes in this weird moment where she blanked completely, and it downed her damn near immediately. Actually, she had probably ended up hitting her head on the way down; the throbbing in her skull felt like it was far too much to be a mere symptom of poisoning. But, then again, her whole being ached in a way that it really shouldn't for having inhaled toxic fumes, so maybe some idiot decided to go kicking her when they found her lying there.

The how really didn't matter now, though.

Idly, she supposed that it was a good thing that she had Slimon in the room with her; otherwise she probably wouldn't still be alive.

She forced her eyes open again, squinting against the light, finding her partner kneeling at her side, his mask off for once with a very concerned look on his face. He was reaching forward to pick her limp body up off the floor.

Her slime child was suddenly there, grabbing her feet and helping in moving her back to the bed. She managed a small smile at him, but to her surprise, he used one hand to sign rapidly at her, so much so that her hurting brain didn't understand any of it. He seemed vaguely annoyed, though, judging from the grumbling sound he was making.

"Sorry…"

The attempt left her dryly coughing again, and she found the strength to curl into a ball, though she kept one eye open enough to watch her slime.

Though she still could not understand his rapid sign language, judging from the way he jerked a little in surprise, he wasn't angry at her.

"Why are you apologizing? This isn't your fault."

Mona's eye dart up to Plague Knight, and she shook her head just a little.

Plague Knight laughed a weak laugh, probably utterly confused. "Hey Slimon… go get some water, would you? I think she really needs it."

Her boy was quick to run off in search of the requested liquid.

While waiting for him to return, Mona turned her attention to the room around her, trying desperately to block out the burning in her throat from her cough. They were in her partner's room, of which she hadn't been in for years. Not since he had first set it up, in fact.

…Why had he brought her all the way to the Explodatorium?

Right, toxic gas in her room. Not good to risk further inhalation.

Now that her eyes had adjusted she realized it really wasn't that bright after all. In fact, the lighting was rather gentle, the candles overhead bathing everything in a very soft blue. She glanced to the right, finding the door, his wardrobe and a holder for his replacement staffs. She rolled onto her back to look to the other side, finding immediately a rat, dead in its cage. Had he forgotten it was there? He'd been spending much more time in the Potionarium, and the neglect had likely killed it. Or maybe he just never noticed the smell it gave off and it had been dead for half a year.

Plague Knight noticed her gaze and laughed nervously. "I'll, uh, I'll have Slimon take that out… later. Sorry."

Had she the strength for it, she would have laughed. Instead, she cracked a grin and allowing her eyes to roam some more. He still had the notes for the torque lifts for some reason. Curious, but she supposed that explained why they disappeared one day after she asked him to help her adjust them.

There was a stack of books that he had yet to put away, and it made her wonder what he was researching. Or maybe, like with the rat, he had been doing something with them and proceeded to forget that they were there.

The books, the rat, likely the notes… suddenly she was seeing a running theme, and it wasn't the fact that he had giant ornamental staffs everywhere.

Honestly, though, when she made that staff for him, she wasn't expecting him to latch onto it so hard that he would decorate his room with it. It was a good thing, though, because even back then it was an amazing show of companionship she only ever got from him. Most people would have treated it like an ugly Christmas sweater; wear it once, maybe twice, but only out of obligation, and then it would be forgotten, shoved off in the far reaches of their closet.

That and his cloak… In general, he seemed to like her gifts. Honestly, it made her happy.

"What are you thinking about?"

Mona jerked and looked at her partner warily. "What?" She tried to suppress the cough that attacked her, but mostly failed.

"You were smiling."

Mona felt a blush immediately creep onto her face. She wanted to tell him what she felt, but knew she wouldn't get halfway through before that stupid cough caused further problems. She tried to reach for his hand, but he didn't notice the attempt and she didn't manage to get that far before her strength failed her.

As luck would have, Slimon returned with a bottle of water at that moment. He passed the bottle off to Plague Knight before lifting her up enough so that she wouldn't choke. When her partner drew close enough, she grabbed his hand, tapping out a message to him while she took in the water. He cocked his head a little before smiling.

"Happy, huh? Well, positivity does wonders for getting better."

She tapped out another message, and he paused for a moment before rather awkwardly putting the now half empty water bottle down.

"O-Oh. Slimon, pick the woman up, would you?"

Slimon, although confused, did as he was told, only to grumble when he realized where they were heading.

"Hey, boy, you don't technically have a gender. Mona just assigned one to you. It's way less awkward for you to make sure she doesn't fall over while taking a piss than if I were to do it."

"Can we not?" Mona groaned before they could get started.

Plague Knight offered her a weak grin in return. "Sorry."

A couple minutes later, Slimon came out of the bathroom carrying his master like he had when he went in, although she was visibly more uncomfortable now.

Mona made a weak little gesture to Plague Knight, and this time he noticed and waited to listen to her whisper. "Painkillers?"

He chuckled. "Says the person who admonishes me constantly for using them." Nevertheless, he went looking through his bag.

"Key word: Constantly."

A small nervous noise left him, and he held out a bottle of ether, sticking it in front of her face and waiting until she got a couple good whiffs of it. The stuff hit her harder than any attack she had ever sustained, as it always did when she resorted to using the stuff. It made her grumble and close her eyes, only to open them up again to glare at her laughing partner.

"Still don't like that stuff?"

Mona nodded, grateful enough that the numbness made the action less painful.

He gave her a grin before motioning to Slimon to return her to the bed. On the way, something caught her eye, and when she looked up enough to actually see what it was, her eyes went wide.

"Isn't it… a little… creepy? That you have… a picture of me? Above your bed?"

Plague Knight froze on the spot, leg in midair. He nearly fell to the ground, but managed to catch himself just in time. He turned to stare at her. "Um… I-I-I can… I can totally explain that…"

"Then do."

Mona adjusted herself in Slimon's arms until she was comfortable, confident that this was going to be good enough for a laugh.

"W-Well… I… You, you make me very happy." He fidgeted at the obvious admission. "I… uh, I was painting and I sorta ended up… painting you… without meaning to." While he twitched awkwardly, Mona was trying to contain her surprise. He painted? And accidently painted her at that. "It's pretty shit up close. It's… one of the only things I've ever made, but it does a good enough job resembling you from far away. So… I framed it and hung it above my bed… In case I was ever lonely."

The whole confession just about left Mona floored, and the only thing her could think to ask was, "How long ago… did you make this?"

An awkward sound left his throat, and he whispered, "I'm just not going to answer that, lest you think I'm a creepy stalker."

"Your lack of answer says everything."

Plague Knight turned away from her, but that didn't manage to stop her from seeing a blush growing on his face.

"Have you at least improved since then?" He turned to her, his head tilting to the side. She repeated her words, slowly. "Have you improved?"

"Uh, um, probably? Maybe, I don't know."

"Okay then, tell me when you re-do it then. I'll give you a model to work off of."

"W-what?"

"I won't do nudes though. Those are off the table."

Plague Knight stared at her with horror, or at least what she interpreted as horror, on his face, that blush of his growing worse each second until she was afraid he was going to pass out.

"Slimon?" He gurgled at her. "Put me down. I think I can stand. Plague Knight looks like he needs a lie down though."

Slimon obeyed, ensuring that she was going to be fine on her own before heading for her partner and helping him to the bed. A small squeak was the only acknowledgement he gave to the slime's assistance.

As distressing as his lack of response was, Mona found herself laughing at him. This was its own special level of priceless that she couldn't stop herself even though it wasn't particularly funny. She damn near doubled over, but that might have just been the general weakness caused by her poisoning mixed with the numbing from the anesthetic.

Slimon was quick to return to her side, sweeping her off her feet before she had a chance to fall over, returning her to the bed as well.

Fighting down her giggles, Mona grinned at the flushed face of her partner. "Hm, embarrassed?"

At the small squeak that was his response, she started laughing again until she felt a sharp poke of pain in the ribs. It was minor, though, so she wasn't particularly worried. Still snickering a little, she muttered, "Ow, Plaguey, stop amusing me."

He glanced at her with a tortured look on his face that nearly sent her into more rib destroying laughter. She just barely managed to swallow it down.

"Stop amusing me and I'll stop embarrassing you, deal?"

At his nod, she smiled and curled up on her side, awaiting a return to her much needed sleep.

"Uh, sleep well…"

Mona hummed a little, breathing, "I know you plan on burning that picture once I'm asleep." His breath hitched, and she knew it was true. "Don't. It's creepy, but not too creepy."

She could feel his wide eyes on her as sleep took its hold.

* * *

 **Note: This and the last one are a basically weird sub-universe taking cues from TOoHO/Primum Opus as I mentioned earlier. It's not wholly mine or her's, even though I have basically been told to steal Slimon to the fullest extent possible. However, because I'm also lifting other things like part of the backstory provided there, and at least in part Plague's worrying drug use, I'm keeping a distinction that will hopefully become more obvious the more I myself understand it.**

 **Jason: What the fuck is a Shota. Like, I looked it up, but I'm not entirely sure if the internet's definition is quite the same as yours.**  
 ***rolls eyes* totally, you're the most selfish person this side of the universe. Forget, like, Trump and the republicans (who are basically defined by the fact that they are looking out for their companies and not the people having to work there), it's you.  
I've figured out one half of what I'm going to do in regards to what I asked you, but really now, one of the things I asked was effectively a yes or no question. A name, I get, is difficult to come up with, that's why I haven't named it yet, however, just... code names. CODE NAMES!**

 **You know, I bet you won't see this for months, if at all. I haven't been active here for so long I'm wondering if it's worth it to put the new hanburger on Ao3 so we can have something resembling an actual conversation. Although seriously, kid, get a discord.  
**


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